Tips to Get Your Elderly Parent to Take a Shower

One of the most pressing problems that one has in taking care of their elderly parent is showering. Many elderly patients have some degree of dementia that causes many care problems including getting them to eat properly, take their medications, and pay bills. Showering is right up there as well.

Some of the fears that get in the way of your parent wanting to shower are fear of falling, fear of being exposed, fear of being cold during the process, and just not remembering that they have not taken a shower for a few days. Another problem in dementia is stubbornness and the loss of reasoning ability. If your parent was difficult when young and well, they will become extremely difficult with dementia. If your relationship was strained in the past, then those issues will become more pronounced with age and sickness.

Try to give them their shower each week associated to some event such as a doctors appointment, visit to church, shopping trip, or visit from a neighbor. If nothing else take them on errands just for that purpose. Tell them that you know that they want to look pretty and smell pretty for the event. If they have the money, have them get their hair done once a week. For many of them, it is a social event and fun. You then give them the shower that same morning.

Don't tell them that they stink, berate them, belittle them, or tell them that they have to do this because it sets up immediate resistance. Try to make it a fun thing to look forward to. Tell them that you want to pamper them, give them a special treatment or a beauty day, that you love styling their hair, what ever comes to mind to make them feel they are getting special attention. Most elderly people love attention but resent being treated like a child. They have lost so many choices in their life already so it comes down to trying to hold onto what little in life they do have a choice in. They resent being told like a child when to wash up.

One approach is to tell them that the minister or a special friend is coming to visit them today, even if they are not. Tell them it has been a month even if it has not been that long. Many times, an elderly client will wash under these circumstances. When none of this works and they want you to take them on errands, tell them that you will not take them anywhere unless they wash an put on clean clothes. Sometimes just quietly repeating every couple of hours that they need a shower will finally get them to agree. I watched this with a couple I knew. The man just kept firmly but quietly repeating to his wife that she needed to take a shower. She finally said I know you won't stop asking me until I do, so fine I'm going. He did not raise his voice or yell at her, just repeated it over and over again like a drop of water falling on a stone.

Try and take dirty clothes that they refuse to change out while they are asleep. If you have to, wash them while they sleep, then put them back. Disappear outfits that they insist on wearing for days out to the garage for a few days. Just tell them you have no idea what became of them. Give them a new outfit and lavish attention on them and on beautiful or handsome they look.

Don't ask them if they want to take a shower. This usually gets a no right off the bat. Go into the bathroom before they are awake and get it ready. Turn on the heater or put one in long enough to warm up the bathroom. Get all the towels, shampoo, skin conditioners ready. Have a non-slip rug so they don't have to walk on the cold floor. Again, have it all ready to go. Do not leave heaters in the bathroom because of safety concerns and falls.

When they call you to assist them in getting up, go in and simply say that you have worked to make the bathroom all nice and warm, lets go mom. If there is hesitation, say mom we have church tomorrow or Elene is coming to visit later and you know they want to look pretty for their company or visit. Then gently direct them toward the bathroom. If they say I want to eat breakfast first, say Mom we don't have time later,

Make the bathroom experience safe and secure for them by installing several shower grab bars for them to hold onto and a shower seat for them to sit on while they wash themselves. Make sure there is a non skid mat on the bottom of the bathtub or shower. It is also good to have a mat where they step out of the shower or bathtub rather than bare floor. Get the water warm first to the temperature they enjoy. Remember their skin in fragile in most cases and more sensitive to temperature. Also remember to be gentle as their skin usually tears easily and often has sores or sore areas. You can wash a hole in their delicate skin. Assist them with this. They may not be able to turn on the shower or adjust it because of arthritis, weakness, or after affects from a stroke. They may not want to admit that this is the problem. One of the main reasons for their resistance is fear of falling. Most of them have fallen or are a severe fall risk. The bars and shower chair are one of the most important issues in the shower problem.

If there is money to do so, install a walk in tub with a door and seat built in. They are expensive but so is a nursing home after they have fallen. A fall directly or indirectly is often a main cause of death.

Safeguard their privacy with two or three towels over their private areas. None of them relish having their body displayed to strangers or anyone for that matter.
In their generation, couples did not take showers together and nudity was not the norm.Remember your parents were apart of a culture where modesty was the norm. It is very embarrassing for them to need help to wash themselves. If its a male, let him wash his front area, unless he is unable.
Remember that their pride is at issue and their independence. Let them do as much as they are able to preserve this.

Never say, " Do you need my help?." for they will say no usually. Say instead, " Mom, would they enjoy having a little help shampooing your hair even though I know you can do it yourself?' Again, this saves their pride and independence.

Another approach, is telling them their doctor or social services said they have to take a shower once or twice a week because of their health condition or disease. Sometimes an elderly person will do something if they think the doctor requires it. Have the doctor actually address the matter to your parent and tell them how important it is to their health.

In the end, you must try different approaches to see what works. Be creative as you had to do when your children were young to get them to co-operate.
Remember, they took care of you for years and it is extremely difficult for them to now need your help. Losing ones independence is one of the toughest things about getting older and becoming less able to care for yourself.