Tips on How to Explain the Benefits of a Non-Sexual Courtship to Teens

An emerging and powerful trend among parents today, especially in religious homes, is encouraging their children to save themselves both physically and emotionally for more mature relationships later on. The purpose is to not only prevent physical dangers such as sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies, but also the emotional dangers involved with giving in to youthful romantic tendencies. Not intended to curb crushes or puppy love, this tactic is actually meant to deflect confusion and preserve familial relationships that are often unnecessarily disrupted during teen dating years. However, courting, as opposed to dating, can obviously seem outdated and restrictive. To convey the possibility of preserving oneself until adulthood more effectively and realistically, consider the following tips on how to explain the benefits of a non-sexual courtship to teens.

Tip #1: Focus on heart protection as well as body protection. Many teens feel that a parent's attempt to curb their sexual activity is merely a tactic to prevent pregnancy and STD's. Teens often feel that they can prevent these unwanted side affects of dating themselves through birth control. While that's true (and birth control is still recommended even if a teen is not dating), one's emotional health is not guarded through effective birth control. With hormones raging out of control and important life decisions to make during these years, complications involved with sexual relationships can be devastating for teens.

Tip #2: Explain saving yourself for a future spouse emotionally and physically. Not only does courtship downplay sexual pressure, it often leaves teens with less emotional baggage after these more calm relationships end. In the future, your teen can take advantage of this minimal scarring in his/her more serious relationships.

Tip #3: Highlight the clarity offered. Clarity of thought is important for teens deciding on whether or not to maintain relationships. When a more casual, non-physical relationship is on the line, the stakes aren't as high and the connections aren't as devastatingly deep.

Tip #4: Highlight courtship's natural prevention of premature physical bonding. In other words, committing to courtship means that your teen will be less likely to put themselves in situations that would make remaining abstinent difficult. Letting a friend of the opposite sex know ahead of time that sex isn't an option curbs the chances that it will occur unexpectedly. Teens who practice courtship often plan their first sexual encounters, and do so at a more mature age.

Tip #5: Explain that courtship is an investment in each other's lives. While your teen may not be enthusiastic about investing time in learning about another person's personality, they may be concerned with their crush wanting to know more about them than what they look like beneath their clothes. Non-sexual courtships often force two people to learn more about each other before deciding to take the next step, which often saves a great deal of grief and embarrassment.

Tip #6: Focus on how saving oneself can ease pre-marriage complications. Couples blind with lust that enter into serious relationships soon find themselves trying to balance their emotions with their physical needs. Working out the kinks first can strengthen the bond, especially for couples who hope to get married someday.

Tip #7: Explain that non-sexual courtship makes sex a bonus, not an expectation. Only after a serious physical relationship has begun do we begin to understand the demands sex places on our commitments. Once entered into, a sexual relationship can become a burden because it becomes expected of us on a regular basis. Courting helps to preserve sex as special and something not to be taken for granted.

Explaining to your teen that a non-sexual relationship means more than physical protection is key. Once he/she understands that their heart and emotions are at stake, the message will begin to seep through more effectively.