Tips on How to Explain Your Pregnancy to Your Adopted Child

You never thought you'd get pregnant. Perhaps you tried for years before you finally filled out the adoption papers and decided that you wanted a family regardless of how it was formed. Maybe you even decided to adopt with plans of having a child later, and becoming pregnant was never an issue. Regardless, explaining the joys of expecting your first biological baby to your adopted child can be difficult. While you want him/her to share in your excitement, you also don't want him/her to feel that their own arrival in your home was any less special. While each situation is different, consider the following basic tips on how to explain your pregnancy to your adopted child as you ease your family into this new era of your lives.

Tip #1: In front of your adopted child, focus on the joys of bringing a new addition into the family more so than the joys of creating life with your own body. You have absolutely every right to revel in the amazing process of creating life within yourself, but a young adopted child may misconstrue your happiness as something they couldn't give you themselves. It may be a good idea to curb gushing about the miracle of life in front of your child until he or she is more comfortable with the coming birth.

Tip #2: Be prepared for questions about why you will "keep" your biological baby. You've spent a great deal of effort stressing to your child the love that goes into an adoption. As such, some young adopted children believe that all parents go through a stage of contemplating adoption, regardless of circumstances. Explaining to your child that you will keep this baby because you are, very fortunately, able to give it the life it deserves may be necessary.

Tip #3: Explain that children are a joy to their parents, regardless of where they came from. You may show your love to your adopted child every day, but sometimes children simply need to hear that they are important. Let your adopted child know, with words as well as with actions, that a child is a blessing no matter how he/she arrived in his/her parents' lives.

Tip #4: Try not to refer to your biological baby as your "firstborn." If may seem like common sense, but it still may be easy to forget that referring to your new baby as your firstborn can demean the arrival of your adopted child. As far as your family goes, the firstborn position, with all its rights and privileges, has already been taken.

Tip #5: Try to refrain from referring to your biological child as your adopted child's "adopted sibling." While utilizing this terminology may be perfectly comfortable for your adopted child as he/she grows older, using it before he/she is old enough to understand that it is more for the sake of clarification than division may be hurtful. You may in the end decide never to use these types of verbal dividing lines at all.

Tip #6: Include your adopted child in the pregnancy process. Attempting to shield your adopted child from ultrasounds, baby showers, and baby room preparations may be your way of ensuring that he/she doesn't feel less special, but doing so may ostracize him/her. While in Tip #1 we did cover focusing more on the arrival of the child than the process of literally making it, it's ok to let your adopted child in on the processes that any child would be privileged to with a new sibling on the way. Doing so will naturally help him/her adjust to the new life ahead, which is very important.

Tip #7: Refrain from basing your future family planning solely on natural birth in front of your adopted child. While it may now be your plan to only add biological children to your family rather than adopting, a young adopted child may feel that this is because adoption wasn't as fulfilling an experience for you. If you do not wish to adopt again but do wish to have more children, making a distinction between the two processes in front of your children isn't necessary. Do be prepared, however, for questions from your adopted child on which method you will choose. A simple "we'll see" may be sufficient.

Tip #8: A little extravagant attention on your adopted child won't hurt. Every child needs a little extra attention when a new sibling is on his/her way. Adopted children are most certainly no different. Don't miss out on nine months of your adopted child's life while awaiting the birth of the next one.

Again, these are merely suggestions that parents may use at their own discretion. Your situation will differ from that of another's, and some of the aforementioned tips may not apply to your family at all. However, we can all agree that helping an adopted child feel secure in their place in the family as a biological birth approaches for his/her parents is key.