Tips for for Contractors: Top 10 Ways Not to Install Tile

While I am not an expert on tile, I just watched the Laurel & Hardy of contractors install tile in my kitchen following a flood in my house, and I learned a thing or two about how NOT to install tile.

1. Bring a Load & Not a Sample

When a customer asks to see a sample of the tile, show up with a truck load of tile. This actually happened. The contractor told me his guys could bring a sample from The Tile Store since they had other work to do at my house. Instead, they showed up with a truck load of tile ready to install, and they left for the day when I said it did not look like the photo online.

2. Create Delays That Cause Last-Minute Rushes

Delay for a month getting estimate information to the customer to coordinate with The Tile Store. Then after the customer reminds you several times she still needs the info to place the order, tell her The Tile Store now has the info and will call her. When she leaves messages saying no one has called or knows what she's talking about, give The Tile Store the info at the very last minute. This guarantees the customer must make a harried and rushed decision in order to avoid another delay getting the tile. This actually happened. I had 15 minutes to discuss pricing and make a decision over the phone so my shipment would come in that week.

3. Break Appointments

For the next 2 weeks, break appointments to install the tile. Make sure the rushed, frantic decision-making of your customer was all in vain. This actually happened. The tile was not installed the week I rushed to order it or the following week.

4. Mix the Quick-Set Concrete Improperly

When you finally condescend to show up, do not mix the quick-set concrete properly so it will not hold the tile. This will guarantee the tile does not want to stay on the wall. This actually happened. The contractor thought of a clever short cut, however...

5. Place Some Tile Mats Right on Top of Each Other

When the mats start to slide, place the next layer directly on top of the lower layer. Ignore the fact there are 1/4 inch gaps around all the other tile. This will get rid of those pesky gaps where the grout goes, ensuring some rows get grout, and some don't, creating a boldly haphazard look your customer is bound to love. This actually happened. My tile had a very distinct line around 2 walls where 2 rows of mats were pushed together to help hold the top mats in place. Some mats were also pushed together side by side while the rest of the tiles had quarter-inch gaps around them for the grout.

6. Do Not Push All Tiles Into the Quick-Set

Do not push all the tiles on each mat deep enough into the quick-set concrete. This will ensure some tiles don't stick. This actually happened. I was left with numerous loose tiles that were only somewhat attached to the mats, not stuck to the wall.

7. Use Cardboard to Try to Force Some Gaps

When the customer has to point out to you -- the trained professional -- that there is no gap for the grout between several rows, come up with another clever shortcut. Tear up a cardboard box, force some of the wet mats a up a little, and stick cardboard between some of the rows. This does several fun things.

• a. It bows and distorts the even placement of the tiles on already cemented mats making them now uneven on the wall.
• b. It pushes some of those tiles you are moving right next to other tiles so the problem of more tile-touching-tile happens in new and exciting places.
• c. If the cardboard you are using to create a gap is placed at a slight angle behind the tiles, it loosens the tile from the quick-set so the customer now has more loose tiles to contend with.

This actually happened. I was left with several very sloppy-looking areas where the tile rows were noticeably uneven and other tiles now touched. Where the cardboard was placed between rows, some tiles were now loose because they dried with a gap behind them. See the photos at the top of the page for examples.

8. Schedule & Change Plans

Tell the customer you will come back the next day to do the grout so she switches her appointments around to accommodate you. Then when you are leaving for the day, say you won't be back until the next week. This actually happened. But this time the delay worked to my advantage. It gave me time to take note of the terrible job the construction team did with my tile and to start talking to The Tile Store and others about the issue.

9. Blame The Tile

When the customer tells you she wants the poorly laid tile redone, tell the customer the tile is supposed to look that way. Blame the mats and indicate the tile comes uneven on the mats. Assume she never looked at the mats as they came out of the box to notice the tile rows were originally straight. Assume she won't call The Tile Store to discuss it with them. This actually happened. I was told via email, "The tiles that are on the mats are never straight unless you singley remove tile that is not straight."

10. Try to Get Out of It

Try to get out of fixing the poorly laid tile. Do not accept responsibility for the fact your team was careless. Accept no blame for the fact that not only are many rows uneven, in some places there is no place to put the grout. Ignore the fact some tiles are loose. After all, once the job is done, it won't be YOUR problem.

Note: For any contractors who are confused, this is a list of things NOT to do, not merely business as usual.

Related:
Top Ten Tips for Dealing with a Cleanup Company After a Flood
Top Ten Tips for Dealing with a Flood in Your Home