Tips on Fostering Positive Self Esteem in Girls and Young Women

Today's generation of young girls is at risk. They are bombarded with images of "ideal beauty", from ultra thin movie stars to airbrushed photo spreads and glossy magazine covers. A got-to-have-it mentality is also on the rise, all of which lead to an unrealistic and unhealthy expectation of what makes a woman beautiful.

A casual walk down a toy aisle can clue one in to how girls receive conditioning starting at very young ages. The dolls on the shelves are long limbed and slim, sporting micro mini skirts and bare midriffs. They are valued for their appearance and material goods: their clothes, gadgets, cool cars and hair. They are basically miniature versions of what is portrayed in the media as beautiful. These dolls generate great sales for the toy companies, but what does this foster in young, impressionable girls?

I recently visited the official website for one of the top selling doll lines (I won't mention the brand, but it's a variant of the spelling Brats), and as the page loaded, a message read "Please wait... it takes time to look this good!" The message can be seen as cute and witty, or taken literally: That girls are not inherently beautiful, that being beautiful is something that has to be worked at and achieved, possibly even purchased. Unfortunately, many girls will try to emulate these impossible standards and notions of beauty at the cost of their own self esteem which inevitably leads to problems with their physical health if left untended to. According to statistics, in the United States alone, "...after puberty, 5-10 million girls and women... are struggling with eating disorders...."

What can we do as parents and caretakers to develop positive self esteem and self image amid the pressures of the media? Here are tips and ideas on how to foster self love and healthy habits for life in young girls.

1. Form a tight relationship

Of most importance is having a good relationship with the girl in your life, whether it be your daughter, your niece or your granddaughter. Be open to talk about anything and be willing to listen without being judgmental. Just let her know you'll be there for her unconditionally, whether or not she gets straight A's in all her classes. She should feel loved for who she is and not what she achieves. Spend quality time together doing something you both enjoy.

2. Don't forget to be a positive example of self esteem

Another thing to remember that is often overlooked is that she hears what you are saying and sees what you're doing. If you obsess over your own weight and say negative things about yourself, it will most likely affect her too. Many of our patterns are picked up unknowingly from those who raise us. In order to raise girls healthy in mind and body, we need to embrace it for ourselves. How is your own self esteem? Quit agonizing over your imperfections in the mirror, and love yourself! Teach by example. Let's marvel in the wonders of our own bodies and what miracles they deliver daily.

3. Health and wellness

Health should be taught in terms of nourishing one's body and living well instead of trying to pursue a certain look or weight. Trying to attain a perfect body is detrimental to one's self esteem and sets one up for failure, because in trying to attain something that's just a phrase, healthy behaviors are not learned. Success is measured by a scale instead of how one feels. What is a perfect body? If she learns to take care of herself instead of being under pressure to perfect, she will have habits that will take her through life and will be mentally healthy as well. Teach her that everything she puts into her should be of benefit. Encourage some form of physical activity, whether it is walking, belly dancing, or a sport. Studies show that girls who are involved in sports are "40% less likely to drop out of high school, 33% less likely to become teen mothers, and less likely to smoke cigarettes."

4. Nurture her talents

Find out what her interests are and what she's passionate about. Then nurture it. If she's interested in in singing, look into voice lessons. If she likes to paint or draw, purchase materials for her to express herself. If she's a talker, sign her up for a public speaking class. Search for mentors in your area with the same interests. There are many things that are fun which don't require much money. Trips to the library are a great example, and free! Self esteem in girls and young women will flourish, because they will be more confident in their abilities.

5. Encourage healthy self esteem through self expression

Girls need a healthy outlet for expression.This can be in the form of a journal that she can embellish and personalize herself or even in the form of a group. You can set up your own girls' night types of meetings. Invite your daughter's friends over and other adult women and just talk (females are biologically inclined to do just that). A good way to do get started is to have a jar full of open-ended prompts, such as "I'm unique because..." or "I feel down when...", and have each person complete the sentence. An anonymous question box is also useful, in order to get down to the real questions they may have without embarrassing anybody. It's a lot of fun and lets them know that they are not alone in their feelings. Don't forget the healthy snacks.

6. Giving to others

They should also learn that it's not all about themselves. Get creative with ways to help others out. Donate time to helping others. Start a clothing drive. Donate games or gifts to the children at battered womens' shelters or local hospitals. The possibilities are endless. Brainstorming with your group of girls will benefit everyone involved.

We can encourage young girls to be themselves and help them understand that a beautiful woman is not someone with the latest handbag or perfect body. What makes someone beautiful is believing in oneself and living strong in mind and body. To create a better future for the next generation of women we need to create an environment that nurtures self esteem. All that's necessary is the desire to change along with a little effort, creativity, and time. Reading this article can be a first step. What steps will you take next to better the lives of the girls in your own life?

Sources: Students Against Destructive Decisions, "SADD Statistics." URL: http://www.sadd.org/stats.htm#eatingdisorders
Robin F. Goodman, Ph.D. "Mirror Mirror on the Wall: How to raise Girls with Healthy Self-Esteem." URL: http://www.aboutourkids.org/aboutour/articles/mirrow.html