Tips for Funeral Planning for Families of Seniors

Death is a hard fact to deal with for most of us and the thought of losing a parent someday is particularly unpleasant, but we all will face the death of a loved one at some time in our lives.

Death is looked upon in many different ways. Death can be celebrated, embraced or feared depending on custom, religion, ethnic background, support systems and other factors.

The death of a parent will eventually happen and when it does occur, no matter how much we've thought about it or planned for it, losing a parent is a very hard thing to deal with. It is a unique experience because a parent, in most cases, is a person we've known all our lives, and we have never existed without them. Now they have departed forever.

We're mourning a very great loss. We are in grief and each of us experiences grief in our own way. No one grieves exactly the same way but most of us experience a multitude of strong emotions in our grieving including loss, numbness, confusion, fear, guilt, relief, anger and sadness. These emotions make funeral preparations overwhelming to most of us. With a little preliminary planning, the final arrangement can be a bit easier.

It is a hard conversation to have with an elderly parent or parents, but discussing wishes beforehand is the ideal situation. Having input from your loved ones will give you some guidelines, and preparations can be put into place ahead of time. Knowing which funeral home to use, preferences for burial or cremation, and what type of service they would like will help greatly when the time comes. If no preferences have been voiced, here are a few suggestions that may help you with funeral planning.

CHOOSING A FUNERAL HOME/FUNERAL DIRECTOR: Choose a funeral home/funeral director that you trust. Ask friends for recommendations if you do not have a trusted one in mind. Funerals are now averaging over $6,000 so get 2 or 3 quotes before you decided on one to use. Be sure you understand exactly what is included in the quoted price. It's a good idea to have someone with you who can help you remember details and help make decisions during this hard time.

Many decision need to be made when the funeral home/funeral director is chosen, such as casket/urn; burial plot/cemetery/crematorium; obituary notices/newspapers to notify; pall bearers; embalming/cremation; a church service or memorial service; transportation for family members/casket etc. An experienced and professional funeral director will guide you through this difficult process. It is their job to make these arrangements as easy as possible for you.

You will need to take several items and important documents with you to the funeral director: Social Security number/card of the deceased, date and place of birth, life insurance policies, veteran information, wedding anniversary date, names of church and pastor and other information you'd like included in the obituary notice. Also, clothing and jewelry for you loved one including glasses, dentures, etc. If your loved one was honorably discharged from the military, you will need the deceased's "Release or Discharge from Active Duty" form if you wish to have a flag for the coffin.

A FUNERAL OR MEMORIAL SERVICE: Decide if there will be a service and where it will be held. If you are planning on having the service at the funeral home, in their chapel, this may not be included in the base price, only the viewing at the funeral home may be included. Talk to the funeral director to be sure you understand all the details and possible added costs. If the funeral is to be held in a church, talk to the church official about the cost of the church rental and the clergy fee. (The average honorarium for clergy and church use is about $250.00 paid to the officiate.) Make sure there isn't an additional fee for the organist/music. The church clergy will give you guidance with decisions on the service.

FLOWERS: If the service is to be held in a church, check with the church officials regarding their regulations with flower displays, flower deliveries etc.. If the service will be at the funeral home, ask the funeral director about the flower arrangements.

AFTER THE SERVICE: Decide on a gathering after the funeral. Sharing time with friends and family immediately after the service is important. If the service is held in a church, check with the church officials. They can arrange for the church to provide refreshments or a light luncheon after the service in their facility. Many churches have committees that arrange this for you and will take care of everything. You may wish to have an additional gathering later at home for close family and friends.

Sources: Doreen K. Satter