Tips for Getting Along with Your Step-Children - My Story

Getting along with your step-children is a wonderful thing! I know because I am a step-mother. My step-daughters are now grown into young women, and I am not longer married to their father, but I am still their step-mother. My step-daughters and I still have a loving relationship.

I was married to my step-children's father while they were growing up. Although he and his ex-wife had joint custody, the children spent over 75% of their time living with us.

Getting along your step-children does not happen instantly; it is something that you have to work on. Here are some tips that worked for me.

Tip #1 Getting Along With Your Step-Children - Remember Why They Are In Your Life

Step-children are not people that you have met and chosen to become friends with. They are only in your life because you are married to one of their parents. (In that way they are similar to in-laws.) Remember that you knew he or she had these children before you got married, and you vowed to take him or her "for better or for worse". The children are an important part of your spouse's life, and getting you along with them is just as important.

Tip #2 Getting Along With Your Step-Children - Don't Try To Be The Instant Parent

Remember that you are not the mother or the father just because you married their mother or father. But you are an adult in their lives that they must interact with and have respect for, and they must abide by your rules.

Tip #3 Getting Along With Your Step-Children - Be Polite To The Ex

It is always a good idea to be polite to the ex when the step-children are around. Don't put the step-children in the middle. Even if the ex is unreasonable and attempts to start an argument, it is best to let it slide. Discuss the issue at some time later when the children are not there. Also, do not ever let your step-children hear you say anything negative about the ex.

Tip #4 Getting Along With Your Step-Children - Always Have Your Spouse On Your Side

Always present a united front in any disputes that come up. You and your spouse should always agree on issues involving your step-children. For example, if you tell your step-children that it is time to go to bed, don't let your spouse tell them that they can stay up longer.

Tip #5 Getting Along With Your Step-Children - Do Chores Together

Have your step-children help you around the house. One example is to have them help you cook dinner. In addition to learning how to cook, the step-children will be bonding with you and creating memories. My step-daughters and I still laugh about the day that a casserole dish slid off the counter right into the trash can.

Tip #6 Getting Along With Your Step-Children - Plan Activities With Them

Find activities that you and your step-children like to do, and do them together. If you both like crafts, make something together. If you both are interested in the same movie, take them to see it. Again this is a great way to develop a relationship.

Tip #7 Getting Along With Your Step-Children - Take An Interest In One Of Their Activities

Being interested in their activities can be fun for both of you. If your step-children are on an athletic team, such as a softball team, attend the games and cheer them on. If they are enrolled in a martial arts class, stay to watch their routines. And remember to congratulate them on their accomplishments and comfort them in their defeats.

Tip #8 Getting Along With Your Step-Children - Help Them With Their Homework

Your step-children's schoolwork is important. Helping them with homework is a way of showing them that you want them to do well in school and that you are interested in their future. You can also discover how their minds work and what problem solving techniques they use.

A few years after I became a step-parent, a friend of mine said to me "Anyone meeting your family for the first time would never know that you are not their mother."

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