Tips for Getting Your Child to Listen

Do you feel your child never listens to you? Are you unsure on how to go about in getting your child to listen to you? To help understand common mistakes parents make when trying to get their child to listen and for tips on getting your child to listen, I have interviewed psychotherapist Sarah Schrott, LCSW.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I am a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and have a private practice in Portland, OR. I have been practicing psychotherapy for 17 years and have worked with children, teens and adults. I earned my undergraduate degree from Brown University, my MSW from Catholic University School of Social Work, and my Certificate in Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy from the Oregon Psychoanalytic Center (OPC) in Portland, Oregon where I am on the faculty. I am currently completing a one year infant observation program at OPC."

What are common mistakes parents make when trying to get their child to listen?
"One of the most common mistakes parents make is not to listen to themselves. What is it that they really want to convey to their child? Are they trying to teach their children something, encourage them to do something, help them understand the impact of their behavior? Parents often send mixed messages with their tone. If their tone doesn't reflect what they want their kids to hear, their message will be lost. For instance, if a parent is upset that their child is repeatedly losing things and they really want to teach their child to be organized, often what the child hears is the frustration and irritation, not the message that 'we need to figure out what is getting in the way of you keeping track of things.' First parents need to get a handle on their own emotions, which can be very challenging. Once they can step back and acknowledge their own feeling state, they are better able to set that aside and clearly state what they intend verses mixing it up with a bunch of anger or frustration.

What are some tips for getting your child to listen ?
"First check in with yourself and what you are feeling. Then, make sure you have your child's attention without any distractions. Ask for eye contact. And most importantly, kids will listen if they have a sense that you are on their side. The more supported a child feels and the less attacked, the more he or she will be able to hear what is being said to them. If they feel like they are being yelled at, the only thing that is going to get through to them is the angry feelings and not the content of the message."

What type of professional help is available for a parent that is having a hard time in getting their child to listen?
"To really get connected with your situation, individual therapy can be very helpful. When we as parents are more in touch with our own trigger points and understand why we feel the way we do, we are much better able to communicate clearly with our children. While children can bring a lot of new things for us to deal with, they also stir up parts of ourselves that struggle similarly. When we can sort that stuff out within ourselves, we can hear our children more accurately and then respond to them in a way that they can listen."

Thank you Sarah for doing the interview on how parents can get their child to listen. For more information on Sarah Schrott or her work you can check out her website on www.sarahschrottlcsw.com .

Recommended Readings:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5514040/disciplining_a_rebellious_teenager.html?cat=25">Disciplining a Rebellious Teen

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5673678/how_to_help_your_teen_overcome_depression.html?cat=25">How to Help Your Teen Overcome Depression

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2992358/risktaking_teen_and_parental_behavior.html?cat=5">Risk Taking Teen and Parental Behavior