Tips on Getting the Most out of a Parent-Teacher Conference

As summer begins to wane, children participate in an annual ritual where they leave the ballfields, malls, and skateparks to continue their journey to becoming responsible members of society. For some parents, this is also the beginning of an annual ritual of phonecalls, notes home, and the dreaded parent-teacher conference. When teachers talk after the conferences, it seems we always say the same things. The following article grew out of these conversations. These are ten things that teachers wish parents knew. While it is primarily geared towards middle school or high school parents, it will provide a teacher's perspective on conferences and help you to maximize the event to increase your child's learning experience.

1. Be on Time: A school day usually is about six to seven hours, and it generally requires one to two hours daily to plan instruction, write lesson plans, grade papers, or accomplish other housekeeping tasks such as analyzing test scores. While many teachers get a period off , this period is often taken up with making phone calls to parents, covering classes for teachers who were unable to secure a substitute (which happens much more often than you would think), or helping with schoolwide functions. As a result, this preparation time is usually done after the teacher goes home or forces the teacher to arrive to school early. At their heart, school are customer service organizations. No principal wants a parent to have to wait while teachers are summoned from around the building, so teachers are frequently required to wait in a central spot for the parent to arrive. We want to help your child and we definitely want to talk to you; but you must realize that for every five minutes that you are late is five minutes that most of us are mentally thinking of what we still have to accomplish or could be doing. Even worse is the parent who schedules a conference and doesn't show up. If you schedule a conference, but cannot make it, your first call should be to the school to reschedule. Teachers are people too and we understand that sometimes things happen to throw off your schedule, but to not call and let us know that you will be unable to make it is just incredibly rude.

2. Come often and come early: A parent's relationship with her child's teachers has been proven to be one of the primary indicators of that student's success. Don't wait for the phone call or note home to meet with your child's teachers. Many schools schedule an open house at the beginning of the year where you can begin that relationship. Don't be afraid to schedule a status check conference monthly. Often, it seems we only get to tell bad news in conferences, a good news conference is a refreshing change. Don't wait until the last minute to deal with problems your child may be having. The earlier we can work together on a problem, the better your child will do.

3. Your child is special just like the one hundred and fifty other children we teach: The simple fact is that, in middle and high school, your child's teacher has, as a minimum, a hundred children to teach. While we love and try to get to know each child we teach, we are not going to be able to answer questions such as "on Tuesday last week, was she wearing red?' General trends such as "he's very chatty" or "she tries very hard" we do remember and if we are alerted to something you would like us to watch for, we will certainly do so, but generally as long as your child is performing adequately we generally forget day to day specifics by the end of the day.

4. Teachers need your help: We see your child an average of 45 minutes to an hour each day. While we hope to have some influence on them (after all it's why most of us chose this vocation), ultimately, it you who will have the most influence on your child. If we work out a plan in a conference and you fail to see through on your end, it will fail. Additionally, if you constantly speak about your child's teachers disrespectfully (as in "Why is she doing THIS? This is so stupid"), that child we carry your attitude into the classroom. The best teacher in the world cannot overcome a parent who does not believe the teacher is doing their best. We are a team. We have the same goal as you, the molding of your child into a useful and educated member of society. If you have a problem with your child's teacher, the person to talk to about it the school's principal, not your child.

5. Conferences are for you, not your child: Please don't bring your child to the conference. Some parents seem to believe that having the child there will somehow make him take everything the teacher has been saying in class more seriously. This forces the teacher to talk to the child instead of to you. If talking to the child was working, would you really need to be at the conference? We are there to tell you where your child is academically and to make plans for improvement, not to be part of your discipline plan.

6. Teachers are not there to judge your parenting skills: Some parents seem to feel that their child's failure is a reflection on their parenting ability. While this may or may not be the case, they feel we need to see a show about how they have tried simply everything to get their child to perform. As I said earlier, the purpose of the conference is to inform you of your child's academic progress and make plans for adjustments, if necessary. We are not there to listen to you yell about your child or their work ethic. This does nothing to fix the problem. We are definitely sympathetic, but we're looking for a solution. Additionally, we are not parenting experts. While we studied child development in college, parenting is the ultimate on the job skill. Those of us with children or many years of teaching experience can give you suggestions that we have seen work, but every child is different and what works for you may not work for others. We have no magic wand or method to make your child perfect. If we did, we'd have written a best selling self help book.

7. Teachers cannot overcome the power of the percentage: As I said in paragraph two, see your child's teacher at the first sign of a problem. Spring is often when we see the most parents. They have put off the conference all year, hoping their child will pull out of their downward trend. In the spring, they finally come in and hope the teacher can do something to help their child pass. The sad truth is that a year of failing grades cannot be made up by a single excellent grading period. These are also the parents that ask the teacher if their child could, perhaps, do some extra credit to make up. Teacher's extra credit policies differ, but in general, teachers balk at allowing a student to make up a grading period's worth of poor grade by doing an extra book report.

8. Teachers are there to help: For a variety of reasons, many parents are apprehensive about conferences. As a result, they are defensive, nod their heads at the appropriate time, and leave as soon as they can. A conference is a two way conversation. Teachers are there to provide you with information about your child's progress. You are there to filter this information through what you know about your child. The whole idea is for everyone to use this information to draw up an approach to help your child learn. Simply nodding and leaving doesn't accomplish this. There is no reason to be apprehensive. You are not in trouble. A conference is just like going to a doctor or any professional to resolve or prevent a problem.

9. Teachers are not there to gossip: I am there to talk about your child. Please don't ask me how other children (or usually a specific other child) in the class are doing. I will discuss behavior issues that your child has. Please don't ask me about "that thing that happened that the people in the neighborhood were talking about." My time is extremely valuable (see paragraph one). I want to help your child, but I really don't have the time to discuss things only tangentially related to your child.

10. Communicate outside the conference: As I said earlier, a relationship with your child's teacher is important. The conference is the primary way to build that relationship, but it is far from the only way. Many parents seem to think that attending a conference weekly automatically makes them good parents or that we give awards for attendance. Usually, you can contact a teacher by phone or email. Email is the best way to get a quick answer. During the teaching day, the phones at my school are routed to the office. If you to contact me by phone, you will talk to the office. Instruction is the primary focus during the school day, so they will only call me during the school day for emergencies. Your wanting to see if I have noticed any progress with your child is not an emergency. They will take a message and place it in my box in the mailroom. For this reason, I do make every effort to get down to the mailroom often. Typically though, I am only able to get down there at the beginning and the end of the day. Contrast that to email. Email goes directly to the computer on my desk and is easily checked during a free moment. A simple question such as "have you noticed an improvement" can also be answered during a free moment the result is that you will have your answer much earlier. Another avenue for communication is the webpage. Schools have embraced this technology to communicate with parents, often mandating that teachers maintain a webpage. This can be a great way to find answers to most simple questions such as "is there homework today" or "when is that project due."

The conference is the best tool you have to ensure your child's success. By remembering the tips in this article, you can make the conference effective and help your child. You and your child's teacher are a team, you both need to do your jobs in order for your child to reach her potential.