Tips for Getting Through the Holidays While Grieving

Although Christmas is a merry time for many people, it's also a sad time if you've recently lost a loved one or approaching an anniversary of a death of someone special. My father died on January 6, almost 14 years ago, and only three months ago, I lost my mother. Having experience this and other losses, my heart goes out to anyone who's grieving at this time of year when messages and songs all around us tell us to be happy and merry. Here are some helpful tips to make it through the holiday season when your thoughts turn to happier times when you had those friends and family members with you...

Go Somewhere New for Christmas

Rather than hang around at home, go to a new place at Christmas. That's what some friends of ours are doing who tragically lost their son about four months ago. Chances are if you stay at home, old memories will resurface, and you'll have a harder time dealing with your grief. On the other hand, it doesn't have to be a new physical location. It can be a change of tradition---anything to help you refocus on something new and different. It can be as simple as not sending out Christmas cards this year or not putting out ornaments that would make you sad.

Slow down

Instead of rushing around in a frenzy as you usually do at Christmas, lighten your holiday "to do" list. If you've baked cookies for all your neighborhood block for yeas, maybe you shouldn't bake this year if you don't feel like doing it. Instead, spend time in quiet meditation and prayer, focusing on the real meaning of this holy season. It's also a good time to let God continue you to heal you through your tears. Although it's a good idea to go somewhere new on Christmas day, that doesn't mean you stop crying. Take time to thank God for the gift of the person or people who are no longer in your life.

Bless Someone in Need

Then, after you've had a good cry, search through prayer and medication for ways to do something kind and thoughtful to someone else in need. To make your good deeds even more meaningful, do them in remembrance of your departed loved one. It could be as simple as helping out at a soup kitchen, crocheting gifts for homeless people, or donating canned goods.

Surround Yourself with Supportive People

In other words, strive to spend time with people who understand how you feel. There may be times when you just need to let out your pain and cry. If you have caring friends who are there to just let "you be you", without trying to fix you or judge, then consider yourself blessed. Also, be sure to take adavantage of all the special Christmas programs at your church and in your community, as this way you'll be reminded of the true meaning of the season.

Get Help if You Can't Cope Alone

There's nothing wrong with seeking out professional help if you find you just can't handle your pain by yourself. Just be sure you get godly counsel and not advice that would only enhance your pain. Counseling doesn't necessarily have to be by a paid professional, as you can also find wisdom from small support groups, as well as your pastor.

Most of all be kind of yourself, giving yourself time to heal. Sometimes wounds take longer to heal than others around us tell us they should take. In other words, if you feel like you're "just not there" yet, don't worry about it. God alone knows how long it will take for you to arise out of your grief.