Tips for Gettting Along with Your Step-Children

So you have met the person of your dreams and you are planning to get married. You are envisioning a wonderful life with a wonderful ready made family; yes your soon to be spouse already has children and you know you are going to be the best step-parent ever and life is going to be all sunshine and roses.

Nice fantasy isn't it? Even with the best of intentions any relationship that involves children is going to come with some bumps in the road but that doesn't mean you have to become the evil step-parent nor do you have to the invisible person when the kids are around. Kids normally respond to how they are treated and if you follow a few simple rules you will be well on your way to a good relationship with your step-children.

The most important thing for you to remember is that the children were there before you came into the picture and it's pretty likely they have been through a great deal of trauma with the break-up of their parents and yes, they may even be a bit resentful of you in the beginning. It is not the child's job to "get over it" but it is your job to show them that you are not there to take away their parent or replace a parent in their lives. You are an addition to their family and if you treat them as a welcome addition to your family you will find that half the battle is already won.

Making it clear that your future spouse is first and foremost their parent will take you a very long way with step-children. Children need the feel of security and after having one parent move out of their home, they may feel a bit shaky to have someone else come into the picture. You do not need to be there every minute that your future spouse is with their children and it's important that you encourage parent/child time for just them. If the child invites you to come along explain to them that this is their special time with their parent but you would love to join them the next time. Showing the child that you respect their relationship with their parent will give the child a sense of security and they will not feel as if they have to compete with you for their parents love or attention. As time goes by you can also plan events for just you and your step-child so you can also have your own bonding time as well. These thing help the child see they are very important not only to their parent but to you as well.

It's tough for a child who is dealing with a new step-parent as often they feel they are being disloyal to their own parent. Let the child know very clearly that you support their relationship with both of their parent and that means when the ex-spouse comes around, you also treat them with the respect they deserve as that child's parent. Never bad mouth either parent to them and if you have issues with the other spouse; keep it to yourself around the child.

It is not your job to step in as another parent, most children feel two parents are more than enough and as each spouse remarries, child often end up with four parents with differing ideas and in the mind of most kids they also have four parents getting on their case when they mess up. Unless your step-children live in your home full time stay out of the discipline arena. This does not mean accept disrespectful behavior or destructive behavior but keep in mind if this was your neighbors child that you would take it up with that child's parents and let them handle it. If you can simply be your step-child's friend you will have basis for a much deeper and rewarding relationship down the road with them.

Most children just want to be loved and accepted and when you are coming in as a step-parent you must remember they have heard horror stories from their friends and may even have had a bad experience with another step-parent themselves. Remember where your step-child is coming from and put in the effort to show them that you are not there to take anything away from them but you are hoping to add something to their lives as well as have them add something very precious to your life as well.

Being a step-parent isn't always easy and there are times that you may even feel as if you are not appreciated by your step-child but with a little motivation, time and love you may find yourself describing your step-child as Jada Pinkett-Smith as often referred to her step-child in many interview. You may just find you have a bonus child and what a bonus they can be.