Tips for Giving Criticism

Criticism is an unpleasant, but often necessary part of life. Sometimes you are the target of a critical opinion and other times you may find yourself being the critic. Before you begin a conversation in which you intend to let a person know his faults, take a few moments to prepare yourself.

1. Ask yourself, "Is this really worth addressing?" If you are merely looking for personal vindication or gratification, do not approach a person to give criticism. If you do this, you will only come across as launching a personal attack, the person will not hear you, and you will estrange yourself from him. You must have noble motives for pointing out failings in another person's life. Is the issue simply an annoying habit or personality quirk? If this is the case, you should relax and learn to live with it. Nit-picking another person will only lead to them doing the same thing to you. Make sure that the offense was serious enough to warrant criticism.

2. Pick the right time to talk. If it is a work situation, approach the person in his own domain. Do not ask him to come to you, as this puts you at an unfair advantage. Criticizing someone in an environment unfamiliar to him takes away his sense of stability and makes him feel vulnerable.

If the offending person is a family member, follow the same principle. Talk to the person in their bedroom or in a comfortable room in the house.

3. Have the right spirit. Approach a coworker or subordinate, for example, with professional respect. Do not even think about raising your voice or pushing your opinion on him in anger. Speak in a respectful, measured tone of voice. Show your concern for him as a person and make sure you emphasize that you are trying to help him be a better person.

In a family setting, make sure you address the person in love. Tell them how much you want what is best for them and why they need to correct or change what they have done (or not done).

4. Avoid sandwich psychology with adults. The concept of sandwich psychology is that you should criticize by first stating a positive trait of the person, then squeeze in your criticism quickly. Finally, give the person another morale boost by affirming him once again. Many people recommend this approach, but I personally find it condescending. Most adults can see between the pieces of "bread" and will determine that you are trying to manipulate them.

Sometimes it is necessary to give some well-intended, honest criticism of another person. If you find yourself in this situation, be sure to evaluate your motives and be sure that the issue is worth addressing. Approach the person in their own environment with respect. Give your opinion calmly and show that you are genuinely concerned for the person. By following these principles you will find that the person will give you a more positive response and will be less likely to resent your interference.