Tips to Help Get a Rocky Marriage Through the Holiday Season

Believe it or not this joyous time of the year is also the time when marriages that have been on the rocks take the final fall. More people leave their relationships during and just after Thanksgiving and Christmas then any other time of the year. The stressors of the season are often the last straw for an already shaky relationship. But before you make such a major decision here are some feelings that might be influencing you and what you can do about them.

Everyone is obviously has a happier marriage then you

People may seem at this time of the year to be happy together. But of the 50% of first marriages that do not divorce about half would actually say they are happy. It may look to you, as you see them shopping and spending time together, that they are happier, but looks can be deceiving. Don't leave your marriage because of what you think you see in the mall.

Your in-laws are the worst and you can't bear to spend another holiday week with them

Why do you think in-laws are the butt of so many jokes - most people feel their in-laws are pretty bad. It's become chic to say you come from a dysfunctional family. If it's really going to be that bad bite the bullet and pay for a hotel room for them. Or better yet, let them have the house and the kids and you and your spouse go to the hotel room. It just might be what you need!

Your spouse puts everyone they know before you

This is never a good thing in a marriage but it becomes blown out of proportion during the holidays. Money you don't have is being spent on people you don't like. Everyone seems to expect things from you that you don't have time to do. You feel pressured and angry and just want to flee. What do you buy for a spouse you feel so unhappy with? Keep in mind that this is a time of year when people get caught up in the expectations of others. The gifts you give are seen as a message of how you feel about them. That's why finding the right gift is often so difficult.

Your kids seem so ungrateful and entitled

No one has higher expectations at holiday time then children. "I want" is a mantra you hear for a month or more. Toys today are so expensive and usually get thrown into the closet after Christmas day. Remember that your kids can ask for anything they want but you don't have to buy them all. This is the time of year to teach your kids to be charitable and grateful for the things they do have. A little giving and a little getting should be what you model for your kids.

You hate everything

You hate your job, your friends, your house, you spouse and your life. You feel if you don't escape you will explode. Before you do you might consider that you take your discontent with you wherever you go so you might be better off seeking help. If you're depressed you are not in a state of mind to make a good decision.

This isn't what you thought your life would be at this age

Most of us come to the realization that the fantasized life we had as children has eluded us. The life we live seems ordinary and humdrum. You wanted more or bigger or better. And time to achieve it seems to be slipping away. And then a tragedy hits. A loved one dies, a child gets sick, you have a brush with death. Then, the simply things become just what you wish you could get back. The truth is that on a daily basis life is pretty mundane. Don't use divorce as a way to bring some excitement into your life. It's not the kind of excitement you want. It's painful and scary and will always be a loss - even if you have already found another. Statistics say that five years after a divorce people are usually just as unhappy as they were when they were married!

So think before you make any major decisions this holiday season. Go to see a marriage counselor. Or if you don't want to do that, go alone to speak to someone. Maybe the best gift you can give to your spouse is the promise that you will give it one more try. There is never a guarantee that moving on will make things better. Don't let the stress and chaos of the holidays make you act hastily. Relax and enjoy the season. This is one move that can wait a little longer.