Tips in Helping a Loved One with Alzheimer's Through the Holidays

My grandmother lived with Alzheimer's for a long time before it finally took her from us. I remember how hard our family had worked making her last Christmas with us as pleasurable and least stressful as possible. By that point, Grandma wasn't able to do things as quickly or as well as she had before. And it was frustrating for her.

Grandma was used to be in charge in the kitchen. She made the turkey, the fixings, set the table and the dessert. She even made the munchies and dainties before the feast. She refused any help and got angry when any of us even peeked in the kitchen to see what was going on. That was her big 'job' at Christmas. So you can imagine how very difficult it had been for her not to get in there and cook up a storm as she'd had so many Christmases before.

No, she couldn't be trusted alone in the kitchen anymore as she'd forgotten about the stove or elements being on. No, she couldn't chop, grate or slice things as her coordination to maneuver these tasks had diminished. And, unfortunately, she'd get 'lost' doing tasks like setting the table as she couldn't remember where she'd left off or what came next. But we pulled together as a family and found ways she could still contribute to the festivities without getting frustrated or embarrassed.

Read her signs. You may notice your loved one getting tired more easily as her condition worsens. Be sure to 'read' how she's doing throughout the day, offering her many opportunities to sit and rest. I used to have frequent Tea Times with Grandma. It gave her the chance to chat about times she remembered and getting some precious rest she needed. And if she nodded off, all the better.

Keep visitors to a minimum. The Holidays are all about tons of family and loved ones around us. But too many people can be intimidating and overwhelming for people with Alzheimers, especially when she can't place all the faces. Keep visitors to close family and give time for other family and friends spread out throughout the rest of the Holidays. During this time, less is always best.

Decorate modestly. It can be too much for all the flash, sparkle and noise of decorations too. Work with your loved one to figure out what would mean the most to have out. If he has special ornaments that he likes out, have those and a few other items then tuck the rest away.

Assign appropriate jobs. This is a tougher one with people like Grandma who was so independent before Alzheimer's. What we did was gave Grandma the same jobs but on a smaller scale. Instead of giving her the entire dinner to make, we gave her Sous Chefs (me, my brother, my Uncle,) to do the chopping, slicing, following a recipe or lifting the turkey. Then we were giving her jobs within her abilities as well as company while she cooked. (She didn't like that at first but she did like being able to tell us all what to do!)

Gently guide through multi-step tasks. Tasks like setting the table can be a tougher job for those not able to follow tasks with many steps. What my Aunt and I did was take out the silverware, the good china, the gravy boat, and the serving platter, putting them in the middle of the table. Then we asked Grandma where she wanted each of us to sit. After that, if I noticed Grandma getting 'lost' putting the cutlery on, I'd start talking about when she taught me how to do it many years earlier. My Aunt and I would laugh about how hard it could be to remember where all the forks, spoons and knives go while saying, "Then Grandma would tell us, 'That goes here!'" We saw Grandma's face brighten as she remembered. What we were doing was showing her where things go without actually making it obvious. I think she appreciated that.

Keep the conversation light on subjects he can participate in. I found that when we reminisced too much, Grandma got lost or introverted because she just didn't have the memories we all did. But if we let her lead the conversation or spoke about things more in her 'memory range' she brightened. Keep things light, in the tense your loved one most remembers and easy going.

I know my grandmother loved her last Christmas with us. It was hard for her at times when she could remember our names or realized she actually did need our help to get the Christmas Feast on the table. But her whole family was there, she felt our love, we made her laugh and we gave her memories to take with her. And that's what matters the most.