Tips for Honoring Multiple Moms on Mother's Day

Candace, a newlywed, is an adult stepchild with a major Mother's Day dilemma: She has four "moms" who are anxious to see her on Mother's Day. A Texas native, Candace has a biological mother and godmother who both live in Illinois, a stepmother who lives in Michigan, and a mother-in-law who lives 30 miles from her. She is very close to her mother, godmother (who helped to raise her) and stepmother, and wants to build a close bond with her new mother-in-law. With Mother's Day rapidly approaching, she feels her stress level escalating as she tries to figure out how to please everyone.

Situations like these are more common than many people realize. Mother's Day is a time not only for celebrating biological mothers, but also for honoring mother figures that have impacted one's life in a positive way. But with so many moms, how does one honor each of them equally in one day?

The following tips are for anyone struggling with such a dilemma:

Manage Expectations with Open Communication

While it might be difficult to relay the bad news to one or more moms that you won't be able to make a personal visit on Mother's Day, it's best to communicate this info as early as possible. Be prepared for a range of different responses. If you're lucky, the moms you can't visit this upcoming Mother's Day will understand and respect your situation. Unfortunately, things don't always go this smoothly. A mom who is secure with herself and not needy will understand that you cannot be everywhere at once. Express to all of your moms that they are special to you and that you would see them if you could.

Divide and Conquer

If you're married, you may feel compelled to prioritize your mother-in-law over your own mom, particularly if they live in separate cities or states, or your husband's family is planning a huge Mother's Day celebration. There are times however when it's necessary to compromise, and this may mean your spending Mother's Day with your mom while he spends the day with his. If you both have positive relationships with each other's mom, you can surprise them by swapping one year - you spend Mother's Day with your husband's mom while he spends the day with yours! This can strengthen the in-law relationship and make both mothers-in-law feel very special.

Rotate Visits

While Mother's Day is a special occasion to many moms, there are several other holidays to celebrate each year. If you have multiple moms in different places, develop a "visit rotation" system as a compromise. You can plan, for example, to spend Thanksgiving with one mom, Christmas with another, Mother's Day with another, etc. Try to rotate this each year so that you do not spend Mother's Day with the same mom every time.

Centralize the Celebration

If you are fortunate enough to have all of your moms nearby, you should consider having one big celebration to honor all of them. While this will require a great deal of planning and preparation on your part, it's a very diplomatic way to handle Mother's Day and make everyone feel special. A word of caution: If there is even a hint of jealousy or animosity between moms, don't go this route, as it will only lead to drama.

Honor Each Mom in a Special Way

Although your physical presence would most likely mean a lot, you do not have to personally visit each mom in order to honor her on Mother's Day. Flowers, personalized gifts or even a phone call can also be meaningful. There are some moms out there who demand all of the attention, but no matter how much you want to, you simply cannot please everyone all of the time. The important thing is to take the time to honor each mom in a special way!