Tips to Keep Your Problem Teen from Destroying Your Family and Your Life

Are you feeling overwhelmed at the thought of parenting a rebellious or problem teen child? Tired of your life and home being a source of turmoil and chaos? It's time to take control and stop letting your troubled teen affect your family and the lives of those around you. This is the day to take control of your situation and start down the road to resolve some of the issues that are causing your teen to follow a destructive path.

Parenting is never easy, and parenting teens is even more difficult. Teen children are naturally going to be rebellious, but that doesn't mean that anger, violent outbursts, or any destructive type of behavior should be tolerated. You are the parent and thus responsible for analyzing, addressing, approaching, and resolving the issues that may be causing your teen to act out in negative ways.

Take a Closer Look at Your Teens Behavior

If a parent wants to solve a problem in the life of a teen child, the first step should be to step back and observe the situation as closely as possible. Analyze a teen's behavior, what they do at school, where they go with friends, how they interact with other family members. Take special note of what happens immediately before and after a particular incident of negative behavior. Also, notice of the consequences after a particular negative behavior, if any.

Start to make notes about what happened before the negative behavior started, what happens during the incident involving the negative behavior, and how did you react to this negative behavior. After you do this a few times, pattern will begin to emerge. In many incidents like this, a troubled teen is not being held accountable, or rules are simply not being enforced. Sometimes the problem behavior will end with the teen getting what they want. These are the reasons this negative behavior continues.

Step Up, Stand Firm, Enforce Rules

I never said it was going to be easy. Parenting teens is hard, especially when it comes to trying to establish a new direction when you have let them get by with so much up to this point. Be strong, buckaroo. Most teens think that if they argue with you long enough, you'll give in first and they will get their way. Big mistake. The first few times you stand firm are going to be met with all the resistance your teen can muster, but if you remain firm and hold that line, in a few days, you'll start to see a change. Refuse to argue or "reason" with your teen.

Be Consistent When Enforcing the Rules

Set the boundaries, make the new rules, communicate them to your teen, and make sure they understand there will be consequences for violating the new rules. If the new rule is no computer or Internet after 10 p.m., set up a consequence for breaking the rule like restricting access to the computer for a period of time, perhaps a day. The most important things here are consistency and follow-through. Don't ever make a rule that you're not willing to enforce a consequence. If you back down, your teen will see this as a victory and any hope of setting rules in the future will be even more difficult if not impossible.

Reinforce Positive Behavior

Be sure to praise or thank your teen child when they follow the rules, or when they do anything that is considered above and beyond what is expected of them. When they clean up their room without being asked, make sure you pour on the appropriate praise and gratitude. Tell them how much you appreciate their help, even if they grumble about doing it.

Responsible Behavior is Rewarded

When possible, reward your teen with something for following the rules. For example, if your teen is in on or before the established curfew, reward them by extending the curfew and allowing them to come in a bit later. If they show exceptional behavior and responsibility when driving the car, reward them by allowing more access.

Handling problem teens is difficult at first, but it's really a very simple formula. Make reasonable rules, communicate your intentions to stand firm, actually stand firm, and make sure violations are met with consequences. Most troubled teens will respond to this sort of approach. However, if you have a troubled teen who may be especially difficult, you may need to seek the help of a professional.

Sources:

ParentingTeens.com, "Take Time for Your Teen!"

TroubledTeensInfo.com, "Advice for Parents of Troubled Teenagers"

TroubledTeen.com