Tips on How to Look Busy at Work (when You Are Actually Doing Nothing)

One of the best tricks I now and use every single day is the "sigh of frustration." First thing is to make sure your desk is covered in papers, even if you are not working on any of them. Spread them out layered and use as much desk space as possible. Then whenever you hear someone lingering around your desk, you let out the "sigh of frustration" which is kind of like the "sigh of daydreaming" but a lot stronger with more air to it. You really have to let out a lot of air to make it effective. Once you have given the "sigh of frustration" then furiously shuffle papers on your desk as if you are looking for that one important document. If your boss happens to be the one that hears it, and comes to ask you what it wrong, give your best "Fed up with it all" face and tell him that you have to re-do some completed work, because someone at head office lost it and there was no-back up copy, do to confidentiality agreements, or if that doesn't fly, say your computer has been malfunctioning and "apparently" has not saved any of your work for the last week. (this one sounds a little far fetched, but if your boss is an imbecile, which a lot of them are, they will buy this AND have the IT department summoned straight away to fix it, which will also buy your some more time to waste.)

Always, Always, Always have more than one work application open. This makes it easy to look like you are working on many things at once, and will more than likely deter people from disturbing you.

A recently new thing that has come out, that is perfect for disguising your lack of work. It unfortunately only works if you are running Internet Explorer 7. It is called "TABBED BROWSING." This is an amazing, totally awesome invention. If you have any work applications that require the internet, or if you frequently use the internet to research stuff for work, this is definitely for you. You set the home page for whatever work related application or research you are currently working on, then open more tabs from there for your "time wasting" applications. Word of caution for this one: Make sure before you minimize the screen you go back to the first tab, that way it will show on your application task bar (at the bottom of the screen) as your legitimate work related internet application.

Always make sure when surfing the internet, you do not directly type the website address. Go to a search engine, type it from there and that way it will not show up directly in your internet drop down. IT guys can still find out, but it requires a little more work, and it's highly unlikely they will go to that many extremes. This only works if you do not spend a whole lot of time on the internet. If you are logging 7 hours of internet usage a day, trust me they are going to find out what you have been doing.

Be alert. Not working is like playing a game. You've got to always be on your toes and ready for anything. Try to anticipate your opponent's next move-and pay attention to clues (if you hear footsteps approaching, a chair creaking, or a conversation nearby). Immediately close your slacking of activity in favor of a legitimate looking one.

Some people try to deter detection by turning their computer screens away from any high traffic areas. This works but also makes you look more suspicious. Unless you are sitting near a window, you can then complain about the glare of the sun.

I have heard a good one is taking a print screen of one of your applications while it is open, then copying and pasting it to another program, such as Paint, or possibly even word. That way you can have it up on your screen if you decide to step away from your desk for a chat with your friend down in accounting.

IF you are making the rounds, ensure you have a good made up lie to explain your absence. I have even been paged mercilessly when I have not been at my desk. If this happens, boy you better think of something really good, really fast because at this point someone has been looking for you for way too long.

A couple of good excuses are:

My stomach was feeling really funny, and I had to make a mad dash to the washroom. It must have been the supersized chili burrito for lunch, man I was in there forever.....why were you looking for me??

I was feeling a little stressed today so I decided to go and talk to (insert HR manager's name here) but once I got to his/her desk I discovered they were not there. So I figured since I was over on that side of the building, I would check with (insert name of co-worker here) and see how our project is coming along.

And finally, this one can only be used in a dire emergency, and you must be prepared to take the lie a little further if necessary.

"I went into the washroom to wash my hands after lunch/break/sneezing and slipped right by the sink. As I fell, pants split open and I spent ½ an hour trying to find someone who may have had a needle and thread. I finally found it and had to go back to the bathroom to sew my pants up. Oh don't worry, I didn't hurt myself in the fall, just my pride. But someone should be inspecting the bathroom's regularly for this kind of thing."

The reason I say you may need to take the lie further is because at some companies, that have a health & safety committee, they will insist you report the fall. THIS IS ONLY TO BE USED IN AN EXTREME EMERGENCY!!

There are many other tips out there, and so many software applications that are free to download to prevent detection. Remember though, you have to do some work or you might as well kiss your job goodbye.

"Idle hands are the devils tools"