Tips on Overcoming Depression in Finding Mr. Right

Are you feeling depressed because you haven't met "Mr.Right"? Are you unsure about what you can do to overcome your feelings of depression about finding "Mr. Right"? To help understand how you could be driving yourself towards depression when it comes to finding Mr. Right and for tips on overcoming depression while searching for him, I have interviewed Psychotherapist Laurel B. Steinberg, LMHC.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I am a Licensed Psychotherapist with a private practice in Manhattan's Union Square. I earned my graduate degrees at New York University, trained in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy (REBT) at the Albert Ellis Institute, and am currently finishing my doctorate in Clinical Sexology. My patients include individuals, couples and families who are seeking to improve the quality of their lives.

REBT, a particularly effective modality for treating dating disappointment, is based on the concept that people become depressed and anxious not because of life's circumstances, but because of their evaluative beliefs about those circumstances. Identifying and then modifying irrational beliefs and their associated negative emotional and behavioral consequences is the key to restoring patients' happiness and fulfillment."

How does someone drive themselves towards depression when it comes to finding "Mr. Right"?
"People drive themselves towards depression because they have unrealistic expectations about the dating PROCESS. Sure, dating is great when things are going well but when romantic feelings are not reciprocated or are not reciprocated quickly enough, women (and men also) begin to evaluate the causes unrealistically, including thinking poorly about themselves. Depression and anxiety soon set in, resulting in counterproductive behaviors such as withdrawing from dating opportunities, preemptively rejecting suitors, and otherwise sabotaging the process. Fixed and irrational beliefs about how, and how quickly, one should, ought to, have to and must find true love can be replaced by a more rational philosophy. Thedating process takes time and effort, but once they learn to dispute self-defeating beliefs it can become most enjoyable, and puts them one step closer to meeting the partner of their dreams."

What are some tips on overcoming depression in finding "Mr. Right"?
"I teach my patients to embrace the process of dating as an exciting progression, although fraught with occasional, but surmountable, challenges. It most certainly does not follow a certain time line or script. Understanding that rejection can be a gift is important; it prevents women from wasting any more time/effort on Mr. WRONG, and frees them up to meet and fall in love with someone AMAZING. Another tip is to be open-minded regarding 'necessary' characteristics of potential suitors, while maintaining fundamental values that are non-negotiable (such as willingness to have a child). Men are frequently deemed 'undateable' because of seemingly arbitrary qualities. If a person was previously married, is balding, not a sports fan or doesn't yet earn a huge income, women will write them off, possibly missing a wonderful, loving partner. Give these 'undateable' men a chance. There is little harm to be done and there's always the possibility of a match, or of making a new friend who just might have a friend named Mr. Right."

What type of professional help is available for someone who is having a difficult time overcoming feelings of depression over finding "Mr.Right"?
"Short-term weekly psychotherapy focusing on patients' beliefs about dating, sex and about themselves is the appropriate therapy. I have found that modifying or sometimes just tweaking unrealistic beliefs and expectations provides adequate emotional comfort to allow patients to put their new functional beliefs to the test in the dating world, quickly doing wonders for their social calendars. Everyone who walked in seeking relief from feeling undateable, unmarryable, unattractive, or unworthy of love or satisfying sex has gained renewed self confidence and has begun to date again. Many have found meaningful love, become engaged, or gotten married."

Thank you Laurel for doing the interview on tips for overcoming depression about meeting Mr. Right. For more information on Laurel Steinberg or her work you can check out her website at www.LaurelSteinberg.com .

Recommended Readings:
Dating Tips for More Confidence

How to Deal with Dating Anxiety

Senior Dating Opportunities