Tips for Overcoming Fears About Speaking Assertively

Do you have fears about speaking assertively? Are you unsure on what you can do to overcome your fears of speaking assertively? To help understand where fears about speaking assertively stem from and for tips on overcoming those fears, I have interviewed psychotherapist Ami Kaplan.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.

"I'm a psychotherapist in private practice in New York City. I have trained as a clinical social worker and psychoanalyst. I specialize in gender, sexuality and the usual topics that come up in psychotherapy like assertion, relationships anxiety, etc."

Where do fears about speaking assertively come from?

"I think fears about speaking assertively can come from a few different places. One is low self-esteem or a lack of confidence in oneself. When there's confusion or ambivalence about being entitled to pursue your agenda it comes across in your communications with others. It's as if you're saying 'I'm not sure if I really mean this, but -- ' in front of your statement.

Another reason people may have fears about speaking assertively is that the issue of 'assertion' may have become distorted due to inappropriate 'aggression' in their history. For example, if you had a parent who was unduly harsh or aggressive or even abusive, then the idea of you being assertive can, by association, get confused with that experience. Unconsciously your saying 'I sure don't want to be like Dad, so I'll go the opposite route and present this in a very mild way'.

Regardless of the cause, the down side is that if you are not taking what you say seriously, nobody else will either."

What are some tips for overcoming fears about speaking assertively?

"Remind yourself before you speak that you have a legitimate concern or point of view. Take it seriously; don't communicate it as if you don't take it seriously by laughing or using a tone of voice that is dismissive. Practice! Rome wasn't built in a day and new behaviors need to be practiced."

What type of professional help is available for someone that has a difficult time overcoming fears about speaking assertively?

"If you find you can't overcome it yourself, find a good therapist to help you with this. I think when we're talking about overcoming fear ; a psychoanalytic approach is the way to go. It will help you to get to the deep down reasons for the fear and work through them, as opposed to just working on current day behavior. I'm usually in favor of working on both at once."

Thank you Ami for doing the interview on tips for overcoming fears about speaking assertively. For more information on Ami Kaplan or her work you can check out her website on www.amikaplan.net .

Recommended Readings:

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2915570/social_anxiety_disorder_signs_and_preventive.html?cat=70">Social Anxiety Disorder

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5483252/public_speaking_with_confidence.html?cat=5">Public Speaking with Confidence

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/8031043/10_tips_for_college_students_on_the.html?cat=5">10 Tips for College Students on the Fear of Public Speaking