Tips for Overcoming Shyness

Do social situations make you panic? Do you avoid some social situations because you fear you will make embarrassing social blunders? Does shyness keep you from doing things you would like to be able to do? Shyness may feel impossible to overcome but you can work through your shyness by taking the steps I discuss in this article.

If you asked my friends today if I am a shy person, they would laugh and say, "no way." The reason they don't believe that I am shy is because I am able to project an extroverted image. Through many years I have taught myself how to cope with social situations more effectively. I believe that anyone, through time, patience, and practice, can overcome shyness.

The first important step involves observing your feelings--emotional and physical-- in social situations. How tense are you? Does the tension make your voice shake? Are your hands sweating?

How do you react to the tension? Do you panic? Being conscious of the tension and what causes your anxiety will help you better control it. Anxiety is a normal reaction to a perceived danger or threat of danger (whether it be a danger to the body OR the emotions). Anxiety unchecked tends to lead to more anxiety. You have the choice of letting shyness control you or learning to control your shyness. Being more aware of anxiety, and the root causes of your anxiety, will help you control it.

Next, start attending social functions that would normally create a lot of anxiety for you.

You don't have to take a giant plunge. It is fine to take baby steps. Enroll in something that requires you to interact with others (perhaps even a support group). If it scares you to take these steps, that is okay. Just do it anyway.

I took drama in school even though performing alone in front of any audience scared the heck out of me. But I really wanted to get into acting and so I did it anyway. I continued even after having a complete panic attack once in front of the entire class.

Shyness can be bad enough to be considered a true phobia. There are many levels of shyness; the best way to handle any level of shyness is to face it. You aren't a bad person or a stupid person for being shy--this is very important to remember.

You will be a happier person, however, if you can make yourself do things despite the shyness. Even if you freak out in front of people, it is okay. Public blunders may feel like the end of the world, but they really are not. I have made my share of public blunders. I have dropped things; I have tripped over carpeting, and have said the wrong things when meeting important people. I have spilled red wine on a friend's crisp white shirt, have laughed at very inappropriate times, and have forgotten what I was supposed to say to the audience while introducing a speaker.

Most people make these blunders--not just shy people. The difference is, extroverts will be embarrassed for that moment then they will move on. Shy people become paralyzed by embarrassment. They become stuck in that embarrassment and obsess about a recurrence. This is a big reason why shy people avoid situations or have a lot of anxiety about situations where these embarrassing things can happen (i.e. all social situations)

The way to overcome this fear is to forgive yourself ahead of time for any mistakes you might make. And you must make yourself do things you are normally nervous about doing, again and again. Go to that dinner party. Introduce yourself to that person in the corner. Small talk is not bad. Come prepared with casual comments and questions. Try to make eye contact frequently with the person. If their response is not very warm, don't worry about it too much. It may not even have anything to do with you. Don't be so hard on yourself.

The more you confront your fears, typically the easier it will get. You may be nervous, you may even embarrass yourself, but the way to overcome your shyness is to face the fear and do it. Do it despite feeling like you are going to faint, despite worrying that you will look silly, or that people won't like you (some people might not like you, but that won't be the end of the world unless you allow it to be the end of the world), or that you will screw up because you are so nervous.

Sometimes you will screw up. Sometimes you will panic. Sometimes you might even be rejected. But, if you want to overcome your shyness, you have to push yourself to move past your fear.