Tips for Parents About Setting Curfews for Teenagers

Your children are moving into the teen years, going out more, and staying out later at night. Should you set a curfew for your teenagers? Should they be expected home by a certain time? Are teens safer with a curfew? The answers are yes, with exceptions.

Why should teenagers be required to be home by a certain time?

-Parents, you will naturally be concerned when your teen is out, especially if they are driving or riding with other underage drivers.

-People sharing a home have a right to expect reasonable behavior from each other. It's unfair to those who must be up early for teens to come in late, after everyone has gone to bed. They may turn lights on, make noise, wake the family up, use the bathroom, make food (and messes), watch TV and listen to music when the family is trying to sleep.

-The teenager likely needs to get up in the morning. No one wants to be the one to wake a crabby, tired teen who stayed out too late the night before.

-Many families lock their doors at night. Although we have had keys made for our teens, they lose them. I've been awakened by my teen shinnying up the antennae and knocking on my second floor bedroom window. Very irritating. Another son is adept at popping the screen out and crawling in through the window. Even more annoying and potentially unsafe.

How should I enforce a curfew?
Here are some tips that will help you enforce your teenagers' curfew times.

-Do not ground for long periods of time. Grounding past a day or two will drive everyone insane.

-Take privileges away. Cell phones, iPods, television, car keys, texting, IM, computer, video games, parties and concerts are privileges that should be removed if teens do not comply with curfews.. Restrict on an event-by-event basis, rather than set up an across-the-board grounding.

-Shorten the leash. If your teenager likes to bend the rules, then he or she forfeits the gracious curfew and gets put under martial law.

-Make them work. Teenagers are not noted for their love of housework. If rules get broken, some time spent scrubbing the floor or painting the shed can transform Tardy Tessa into a Punctual Patty.

What about those exceptions?

-Set reasonable curfews. If everyone in your teen's circle of friends is allowed to stay out until midnight, don't be the killjoy and demand she be home by 10 p.m. Set your curfew according to the prevailing wind of fellow parents.

-Rules are made for people, not people for rules. Be flexible. If he's not home on the dot of midnight, cut him fifteen minutes slack. I know a gal who was very reliable at home, but came in half an hour late several times. She was kicked out of the house. Don't be ridiculous about curfews.

-Bench players. If your teen starts stretching 15 minutes to half an hour and then an hour, however, he or she is playing the system. Go back to being firm about the time.

-Expect calls when teens are going to be late. Many teens carry cell phones and should be expected to call if they are going to be late. Except no excuses on this one. Cell phones are not just text boxes for chatting with friends. They have a purpose.

-Work doesn't count (for curfew). If your teen works at night, he she generally has no control over how late he or she has to work. If your teen works until close at a restaurant, he or she will have to clean up. Be fair. But expect a phone call letting you know your teen will be late.

Don't become enraged; enforce instead. Getting angry when your teen disobeys is hard on your nerves and blood pressure. Getting angry is a waste of your time. Set your rules and inform your teens if and when the line is crossed. Remember to go easy on the negative and heavy on the positive reinforcement, too.