Tips for Paul McCartney on How to Win a Grammy Over Amy Winehouse

Sorry, Sir McCartney, after all these decades of you writing, singing and playing music just doesn't cut the mustard when it comes time to winning a Grammy award. Don't be glum, perhaps the Grammies also needed a last minute tax break. With the new American tax laws passed for businesses in 2007, there are bigger tax credits going to those companies that are assisting people in rehab.

Here are a few suggestions from one bass player to another that may help to increase your next album's sales. You never know, it may get you a spot in the winning gramophone:

• Rescind your knighthood, that's just way too much class.
• Adopt disadvantaged children from Africa to work in Stella McCartney's fashion sweatshop.
• Get another divorce but this time date someone from Barely Legal Magazine.
• Bring back the 60s in a pill - how does anyone have talent without the drugs and booze?
• Play your music naked from a Wal Mart rooftop - you looked great in "Let it Be."
• Tell your fans they look poor and trashy when you're doing a television interview.
• Take pictures of you wiping your arse after spending time on the crapper and post them all over the Internet.
• Auction your sperm on eBay.
• Do another duet with Michael Jackson.
• Get Tattoos tattoos of John Lennon.