Tips on Preparing the Big Brother or Sister for a New Baby

If you have siblings, you already know that your children's relationships with each other are extremely important. They'll last past your lifetime and for their whole lives. The birth of a little brother or sister can be a shock to your older child, fueling feelings of jealousy and abandonment, or it can be a keenly anticipated, joyous event or both. With some planning you can help get the children's relationship off on the right foot.

When you tell your older child about the new baby depends on her age and interest. Older children will know something's different as soon as you begin to show. Two- and three-year-olds may not be quite so observant, and you probably can wait until closer to your due date.

Once you are further along, invite your child to touch your tummy to feel the baby move and encourage her to talk to the baby inside. You can also take your child along to at least one of your prenatal refresher classes. You can ask your hospital or birthing center about sibling-preparation classes. Sign up if they're available.

Another option is to buy books or check them out from the library about becoming a big sister or brother. Point out kids playing and talking with babies in books, on TV, and in daily life. Allow your older child to select nursery items like blankets or sheets, or to choose a lamp or picture.

Now would be a good time to show your child pictures taken when they were a newborn. Talk about how tiny babies are when they're born. Spend this time telling your child what they were like as a little baby. Describe their favorite infant toy and discuss whether the new baby might like the same thing.

Some parents wonder if they should have their older children present at the birth. More families are bringing children to the birthing room, and those who do say the experience is richly satisfying for everyone involved. If you're thinking of inviting your older child, ask yourself:

• Does the hospital or birthing center allow siblings to attend?
• Am I really comfortable with this idea?
• Will my child be bored? Frightened? Disruptive?

If you still feel that this is right for you, arrange for your child to have a familiar adult companion at the birth (not dad-he'll be busy with you). That person will stay with your child to tend to her needs, which can be anything from taking a bathroom break to answering a million questions.

Beforehand, prepare the child by describing how hard you'll be working during labor and what you'll look and sound like. When your older sibling goes home after the big event, be sure and have someone your child is very familiar with look after her in your home. This will give them a familiar and safe atmosphere. Also, call to let them know that you're feeling fine and thinking about them.

This is going to be an exciting, yet nervous, time for you, your older child(ren) and baby. Making the transition easier for your older child, will make things easier for everyone involved.