Tips for Raising Teenagers Gently

I can barely believe that the pre-teens I was raising just a few short years ago are full fledged teenagers. In what felt like a few short years, I went from having little handfuls to having big, opinionated, self confident, dynamic young adults on my hands. They give the appearance of being grown up, when in fact, there is still work to be done. Discipline is still very necessary, but as parents, we must tread lightly. Discipline must be done with a light hand, with love, and sometimes with humor. Here are my tips for raising teenagers gently.

Don't jump to conclusions: As parents, some of the biggest problems we have with our teenagers is that we assume the worst and make statements that hurt them terribly. When your child is being difficult, it is not time to become accusatory, but to find out why they are having behavior issues.

Listen to your child: Point out inconsistent behavior and ask the child why they are doing it. Give them options with your questions. Are you angry? Are you stressed? Are your friends giving you a hard time? Be gentle and let them know that while you will not accept them taking out their frustrations on you, that you want to help them get over their frustrations.

Get them to think through their mistakes: Just as you would allow your teenage daughter to decorate her own bedroom , you also want her to learn to cope with her own issues. Talk your child through the same steps you take yourself through when you are unhappy, stressed our, or just feel like being difficult. She will appreciate the adult tools you have shared with her.

Teach lessons in clarity: Teenagers make a lot of small mistakes that when go unchecked, can become big behavior issues. Teach them the difference between confidences and being smug, between a funny retort and disrespect, and between pushing for what they want and tantrums. When the cross the line, make a clear analogy as to how they could have appropriately expressed themselves, and you will turn discipline into a life lesson.

Use Dr. Phil-isms: Dr. Phil is notorious for introducing common sense in clear concise illustrations. From "How's that workin for ya?" to "You can't wipe your butt without getting close to the smelly stuff". Dosing out humor with common sense is a good way to get some of it to stick.

Be friendly, but not their best friend: Parents who want to be their child's best friend, is afraid to discipline the child. The child end up spoiled , in a very bad way. You can laugh, play, and love your child without being their best buddy, keep that distinction.

Control your anger: Teenagers can say and do things to make you spitting-mad. If you feel like yelling and screaming, take a time out and regroup. Discipline with anger is ineffective.

Don't crush their spirit: If you correct every single thing they do or say, you will surely crush their spirit. Instead give them some room to be imperfect, and to be themselves as some of the qualities we don't like in teenagers, can be very useful as adults. If you correct your son's demanding nature out of him, he won't fare well in business.

Don't run out of steam; be consistent: Teens can wear you down. This is why the last child is often the one that end up the least disciplined, and also the biggest drain on society. Stay consistent from the birth of the first to the high school graduation of the last, or the youngest child will end up running you and the whole family.

Don't pawn your child off on others: Too many parents make the mistake of turning difficult teenagers over to the care of pastors and trusted friends for counseling. This can go terribly wrong as in the case of Bishop Eddie Long and the boys he is accused of abusing. If you must seek help for dealing with your children, please stay involved in the process every step of the way.