Tips for Relieving Holiday Stress

If you're still alive after the Black Friday frenzy, I congratulate you. There's no way to start off the holidays worse than standing in line at Walmart at 4am with Thanksgiving dinner settling in your intestines, elbowing your way through a swarm of people, just to save a few bucks on toys you probably never would have bought had they not been on sale to begin with.

So now we're in this lull between Thanksgiving and Christmas. Consider it the eye of the storm; you know that in a week or two, you're going to start feeling the holiday frenzy take hold of your sanity again, leading your thoughts down roads they were never meant to travel. This is the time to be jolly, and yet you find yourself crabby. This is a season to celebrate love and family, and yet you find yourself thinking bad things about those who you love. "I cannot afford to be in the grab bag this year, so why did they throw my name in the pot?" and, "I'm tired of having to buy gifts for my nieces and nephews because there are so many of them! Do I have to spawn a few monsters of my own in order to get that attention? I should be rewarded for not having children and forcing others to spend money on them!"

People who lead rather normal, happy, sane lives get depressed, stressed, and downright insane during this time. But what can you do when you feel that overwhelming burden of forced charity crushing your holiday spirit? (Technically, it's best that you resolve some of your issues before the holidays. It wouldn't be so stressful if you would have saved some money just for this occasion. And you should have stood up to your mean mother-in-law a long time ago. However, it's too late for that now, Christmas is upon us so let's look at some ways to prevent our stress levels from reaching the ceiling.)

Start by changing your mind.

Yes, literally rework your thoughts. Don't let any sense of false obligation or gift responsibility cloud your judgment through this process. It's time to think about that line, "It's the thought that counts," and put it into practice. It's time to shelter your holiday spirit from the clutches of commercialism and wallow in joy. If you're poor, realize that you're poor. You think that "the best gift is the one of giving." But you act like, "the best gift is one that's bought despite the fact it's a crappy toy that will break in two days but I had to buy it anyway to prove that I was thinking about you." If your family is too snobby to accept cheap gifts without derision, then you need to stop stressing yourself out over their standards or tell them that they suck.

Christmas does not have to be a certain way for your kids to enjoy it.

You don't have to have the most beautiful Christmas tree. You don't have to visit abusive family members. You don't have to make elaborate clues for your children to prove that Santa exists. You don't have to go into debt just because you feel guilty about buying one cousin a gift and not the other. "Oh, but that seems so selfish!" you think, so...

Understand why some of the stress during this time of year is your fault.

Well, let me explain. It's actually selfish to make your children feel that your family is inadequate because you can't provide the best Christmas tree or the best presents. You're ruining their holiday spirit because instead of being overjoyed with the things they've been given, they're thinking about how to explain to their friends why they didn't get a Super Mega Playstation 3000, and fifty games to go with it this year. It's actually selfish to feel like you're forced to make an appearance at a family get-together when you know that your mother-in-law is going to berate you, making you have a miserable time which affects how your children feel about you in social situations. It's actually selfish to let the act of forcing the holiday spirit stress you out. Trust me, the holiday spirit lives despite your prompting. And your kids want you to be jolly, not fatigued. It's actually selfish for you to put your family in debt in order to satisfy your guilt of having to buy Christmas presents for all of the kids in the extended family.

You are not the sole originator of the holiday spirit.

Your children pick up the merry feeling without your help. They learn it from teachers, friends, commercials, and the few things you say. You don't have to make elaborate plans and buy them a hundred things to get them into the mood. Look, if you get excited about Christmas gifts, your kids will too. It won't matter what you buy them, especially if you play with them. (Unless you've spoiled your kids to the point where they become selfish little brats when they don't get what they want.) "Oh wow, this toy lights up when you press the button, cool! Hey, let's see who can beat who at this game." They love spending time with you more than having the gifts. If that weren't so, then they wouldn't get bored with their presents a few days later, begging you to do something with them instead.

Tolerating abuse is not the same thing as being graceful in a bad situation.

You might think, "Oh, it's a holidays... I should tolerate verbal abuse from family members with a smile or else I'm going to ruin this party by making a scene." I don't think so. If any member of your extended family is abusive enough to cause you stress during the holidays, don't go to their house. (Of course, once the holidays are over, make sure you spend next year resolving issues with the meanies and/or setting boundaries so they can't hurt you next Christmas). So, if you stay home from the get-together to avoid abusive family members, telling your children that you have important Christmas things to do *wink wink* then they're not going to notice your absence at the party. In fact, when your wicked mother-in-law notes your absence, your children are going to see what a miserable person she is when she talks about you behind your back, instead of seeing you as a party pooper. Plus, they're going to think that you're out buying presents, which will make them happy. There's also nothing wrong with spending a Christmas with another family, or doing something good for the community, instead of going to an extended family get-together.

Without your gifts, your extended family will still have a great Christmas.

So you bought a present for one cousin, but not the others. You might even rationalize that it's okay. At the last minute, however, you rush to the store and buy some cheap cologne and perfume for your other cousins. Quit feeling guilty. Anyone in their right mind doesn't expect gifts from extended family. (Well, unless the family is really small and it's a tradition or something). Still, they're your family. If you honestly cannot afford a gift for them, their lives won't be ruined, nor will they be angry. If they do get angry, it's their problem to deal with, not yours. If you really feel that you must give everyone a present, try giving out framed pictures of your family. Everyone's been bugging you for your family's newest pictures anyway. They'd appreciate that you remembered. If you restrict your buying to your immediate family first, but to extended family only as far as you can afford it, you're going to spare your children from witnessing the arguments and heartache in the future when you and your spouse are stressed about financial issues.

Above all, remember that giving goes both ways.

Everyone is used to thinking that if they can't afford a nice gift for someone, they must at least try to make a gift. But sometimes, making gifts turns out to be more stressful than picking up a few cheap candles from the store to give out. It probably never occurred to you that most people have it in their hearts to "forgive you" for not even making an attempt to give them something. They're just happy that you showed up to eat dinner with them. Accept their forgiveness, their charity, their joyfulness. They probably want to be able to tell you, "That's okay, we didn't need anymore gifts anyway, but thank you for thinking about us." It's their gift to you to be able to say something like that. You're so busy trying to be charitable to everyone else by going into debt or stressing yourself over making gifts, that you don't realize that other people wish to be charitable to you!

Everybody gets stressed around the holidays. Everybody has had a time when they lacked money during this season. Everybody knows what it's like to run around town with a long list of people to buy gifts for, pulling their hair out the whole way. Everybody has tried a hand at creating their own gifts, then giving up in frustration when the projects didn't turn out very well, or took up too much of their time to accomplish. That's why you don't have to feel guilty about having a frugal Christmas, because people will understand why!

All in all, just realize that once you have a good, non-stressful holiday season under your belt, instead of looking towards the next season with dread, you'll probably be more prepared.