Tips for Step-Parents - Leave the "Step" Out of It

Divorce is traumatic. Mine was especially that way. My daughter was five at the time and between the fights with her dad and all of the horrible things he would tell her about me during their visits, life was a struggle and the pain was often unbearable.

During the middle of all this turmoil, I met and married the most wonderful man. He was a bit older than me and my daughter seemed to really take to him. Her dad did not want anything to do with her after the divorce, so this was the first male figure she had in her life in a long time. He doted on her and made her feel very special and loved. He took her camping and fishing for the first time in her life. To this day, she still talks about that camping trip!

The day we married, my daughter asked my new husband a question. "Can I call you Daddy?" His heart and filled with joy and his eyes with tears, and he told her he would feel honored to be her "daddy". My new husband had only one rule around my daughter. It made it very clear and even now when I tell other young women about this, they all stop and think of it's impact on the children's lives. He told me that his number one rule with all of this...leave the "step" out of it.

When he introduced her to his family, friends, co-workers, or whomever, he always stated this was his daughter. She never felt left out or like she didn't belong to him. He praised her and she has blossomed into a very independent and loving young lady. This one piece of advice that my husband offered has been more beneficial than all the books that I read prior to our meeting. By far, I feel this is the most important philosophy a blended family can adopt.

A few years after we were married, we had a little girl of our own. My daughter was so excited to have a little sister. From day one, my husband told our daughter that he loved her and the new baby just the same. It's been years since all of that happened and our girls are very close with one another. There hasn't been any kind of sibling rivalry or any feelings that my daughter didn't belong. We are one happy family and things couldn't be better!