Tips for Strengthening the Bond with Your Teen

Do you feel disconnected with your teen and are unsure on what you can do to strengthen the bond between the both of you? To help understand common mistakes parents make when trying to have a relationship with their teen and for tips on strengthening your bond with your teen, I have interviewed psychotherapist Kelly Burnett.

Tell me a little bit about yourself.
"I am a psychotherapist with a private practice in Austin, Texas. I am from Oregon and love the Oregon Coast . I am also the mother of an 18-year-old son who has just finished his first year of college. I love dance and running and yoga and encourage all clients to be as active as they can be. I believe that moving physically in ways we aren't used to (be it dance, yoga, a new sport or, for those less active, good, solid stretching on a daily basis) have a strong, positive effect on emotional growth. I have a holistic approach to therapy in that I talk with clients about psychological causes of whatever brought them in as well as empowering each client to develop their unique set of coping skills for the current life challenge."

What are common mistakes parents make when trying to have a relationship with their teen?
"There are two common mistakes that parents make when trying to have a relationship with their teen. First is being too lenient with your teen (i.e., being their friend). A teen needs some structure as they navigate through new life experiences. However, this structure should be individually tailored to each teen's personality, strengths and challenges and to the family and community's specific belief systems. No structure whatsoever could result in a teen feeling unsafe and in feeling that the parent doesn't care about their safety.

Second is being too strict. This is the mistake I see most often in clients. A teenager is supposed to test boundaries that is how they learn about life and how to handle things. When a parent is too controlling this keeps the teen from learning on their own and also can cause the teen to feel unheard."

What are some tips for parents on strengthening their bond with their teen?
"Find common ground with your teen. For example, what common interests do you have? Schedule time together to do something with your teen, even if it is just going to a favorite restaurant. If you feel you have nothing in common with your teen, let them know you'd like to and decide together how to spend your time. If you have nothing at all in common, laugh about it with them and decide together what you'll do weekly even though you don't share an obvious interest. You could eat out together or cook together and take turns deciding what you'll have. If you don't have common ground, create it. Let your teen know your desire to spend time with them comes from love and not from trying to control them. Really listening to your child at any age is so important. They must feel heard (and be heard!) in order to begin to trust their own instincts and decision-making skills.

My teenager said, in response to the question what is the best bonding for parents and teens '" 'food, going to watch their extracurricular activities, and doing something together in nature, like taking a hike.'"

What type of professional help is available for a parent that is having a difficult time strengthening their bond with their teen?
"A therapist can help a parent and teen to communicate better, to really hear one another, as well as to help them problem solve to discover common interests or to develop common interests if none currently exist. Communicating better can be key, as in any relationship. Once you hear what your teenager is really trying to say (and they hear you also) forward progress can begin. Also, perhaps most importantly, I firmly believe in positive reinforcement to create positive change."

Thank you Kelly for doing the interview on tips for strengthening the bond with your teen. For more information on Kelly Burnett or her work you can check out her website at www.kellyannburnett.com

Recommended Readings:
http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5514040/disciplining_a_rebellious_teenager.html?cat=25">Disciplining a Rebellious Teen

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/5673678/how_to_help_your_teen_overcome_depression.html?cat=25">How to Help Your Teen Overcome Depression

http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/2992358/risktaking_teen_and_parental_behavior.html?cat=5">Risk Taking Teen and Parental Behavior