Tips for a Successful "Forced" Family Fun Night

The wonderful thing about getting married and having children is the creation of a family unit that is your very own. When the kids are younger, it was easier to maintain a solid family unit. However, once the children start to grow into adolescence, autonomy begins to erode at the family structure. Children learn to cope with time alone without parents. They can let themselves into the house and feed themselves. They start to enjoy activities on their own. They eventually receive their drivers' licenses, and then roll out of our lives easily. With that last gift of freedom, gone are the days when children need their mom or dad to cart them around to games or slumber parties. On the other side, mom and dad are now free to pursue those other interests that do not include children.

Because of conflicting schedules, some families end up not eating dinner together, or will have their dinner on the go. Family interaction may end up being a "hello" at the beginning of the day and not much else.

When my oldest was just entering his teens, I noticed the splintering of our family as a trend. It was one trend I didn't like at all. While I was happy that he had dreams, aspirations and activities to fill his days, I thought he needed to spend at least one day a week with his entire family. We're what some would call a fairly close family. I attended school events and parent teacher conferences, even when the kids were seniors in high school. We went to church. We had golf dates with one another. All of these activities were usually with some of us, but seldom with all four of us. Out of that idea came the birth of "Forced Family Fun Night."

I'm not a psychologist, but I have a gut feeling about my family. We are people who need positive attention, and from each other. Without proper attention, we would be like plants without plant food and water. We would wither.

Our first "Forced Family Fun" was actually a "Forest Forced Family Fun" day. My son coined the term that we now use so humorously. We were spending some time in northern Michigan. I had the bright idea that we would take a day trip to Sleeping Bear Dunes at the shore of Lake Michigan. I packed a picnic lunch of chicken, potato salad, chips, and rolls, along with soft drinks. I believed it would be just as it was when the kids were little. We headed off for Lake Michigan, with my son, 14, and my daughter, 11, in the back seat whining about having to go. One wanted to go swimming and the other wanted to play couch potato in the hotel room. Even my husband griped a little, because he wanted to golf.

To make a long story short, we were totally exhausted about a third of a mile into the dunes and never did see Lake Michigan. We gave up and headed back to have lunch. A stiff wind blew up just as we were serving the picnic. It rained. Most of the paper products and all of the potato chips blew away. The potato salad was deemed "awful" and the chicken was tough. We ended up eating in the back of the van. Even though we were beset by the worst picnic in history, it was a great time. It was the first time in a long time that we were all together sharing a situation. We had fun joking with each other, and the story of that picnic still makes the rounds at family get-togethers.

These days, our Forced Family Fun usually occurs every other Sunday. As a family, we'll have a nice dinner at the table, outside on the deck if it's summer. These dinners are open to other guests, usually the friends or boyfriend of my daughter. It's a great opportunity to share the intricacies of our day-to-day lives and we have lively conversations. Then we'll either watch a movie together, or play a game, like Scrabble. Again, we use this chance to strengthen the family connection.

If you'd like to start a Forced Family Fun Night, remember these tips:

Make it non-negotiable. My daughter will be 18 in five short months, and after she becomes an adult, she can do whatever she wants with her own time. Right now, I own her time. The self-proclaimed social butterfly can give me one night every two weeks.

Make it fun. When we choose to watch a movie, I usually pick something that I know she will like, even if it's not my taste. If the movie is what I consider in questionable taste or rated R, we can use this occasion to discuss the film.

Try to involve your teenagers. If you can get the kids to help with dinner, great! Have them choose the menu that night, and try to get them to assist you in the kitchen. This goes for clean up, too. They shouldn't just get the gravy.

Make it special. For Forced Family Fun, I will break out the cloth napkins and good crystal. We will eat at the table, dressed with flowers. Our food will be in serving dishes and not just spooned out of the pot. It's important to show your children that they're just as special to you as having your boss to dinner.My kids will grudgingly tell you that they were tortured by "Forced" Family Fun, but they enjoy it enough to subject their friends to it.

I don't know if this idea will work for everyone, but "Forced" Family Fun Night has certainly worked for us.