Tips for a Successful Relationship

Most people's ultimate goal in the mating game is to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right and settle down. Of course some people go through life without getting married or even having kids. Each person has their own needs regarding how they are going to spend their lives with other people. My goal in writing this section is to help those who wish to enter into long lasting fulfilling relationships.

A number of men spend a great deal of time and effort at meeting the perfect women for them. What happens is that many of them succeed in their goal, then they begin wondering what lays hold in the future. Will the relationships strengthen or will it fall apart? Does she love me as much as I love her? These questions are inevitably on the minds a great number of men in newly formed relationships.

One way to tell if the relationship is going well is to go by gut instinct. You are the product of millions of years of evolution and you have the built in sensors to determine when something is going wrong in your social environment. There is often the misconception that couples have to work hard to keep the relationship going along. The fact is that if you have to constantly work hard at maintaining a connection with someone, then perhaps it is a sign that the two of you were not meant for each other. Don't get me wrong, even the best of couples experience strife from time to time. However, there is no reason to stay in a relationship that is highly uncomfortable and abusive.

Before couples make hasty decisions about the future of the relationship they should take a few things into account. One thing to remember is that men and women communicate on different frequencies. Often times, conflict is the result of miscommunication. When two people really understand each other there is harmony in the relationship.

Since this book is tailored primarily to men I will cover the unique aspects of female communication. For one thing, women often communicate to form a bond with someone. Sometimes when they talk they are doing so simply to get things off their chest, and to make sure that you care enough to listen. Men often make the mistake of trying to solve women's problems. Men are problem solvers. When a woman is complaining about her day, her husband will inevitably offer a solution to her problems. The problem is that women often are not asking for advice, but they are simply letting off steam. If a woman truly wants advice from a man she will ask him.

Now here is something that women need to consider. Since men are problem solvers they have little time for talk about nothing in particular. Women often feel rejected when they talk to their men and the men only offer a few words in return. Your woman needs to realize that this is a unique part of your style of communication, and if need be, she can read this chapter to get a better understanding of things.

Of course not all men and women are the same and what applies to males can apply to females and vice versa. The main point is that it takes two people to keep the relationship working. It is as if two people are driving the car at the same time, they have to be in sync to go to their desired destination. So, when you are showing your significant other that you are making an effort to improve the relationship, she should return the favor.

This leads to a point of whether a man will stand up for himself. If you are unhappy with the relationship, immediately and tactfully describe exactly what is bothering you. If you are timid in any way and you don't bring the issue to her attention she will continue the same behavior. Women want men in their lives who have backbones. Women will be testing men to make sure that they can stand their ground. You may be amazed that once you stand your ground, she will be much more affectionate toward you.

An outstanding factor in whether a couple will succeed or not depends on whether they truly like each other. This sounds simple enough, but you would be surprised how many people waste months or even years in an unpleasant relationship because they lack self-esteem. People often stay in these relationships because they feel that they can not get anyone better. Thus, the first priority is to determine whether there is true love for one another.

It is best to get the questions out of the way early on. Once the relationship has progressed past a month or two, it is ok to ask some deeper personal questions. Each person should ask each other a plethora of questions about their interests, hobbies, career goals, religious and political beliefs, and anything else deemed important to finding out whether or not they are a good match.

If you and your partner truly like each other the relationship will progress naturally. You will build a deeper bond as each day passes. This is the point where bumps can occur on the road. As things get more serious in a relationship there are often unspoken expectations between one another. She may be saying that it is ok to go our with your friends, but on the inside she may be wondering whether you really want to spend time with her. Of course, it is healthy and beneficial to have a social life outside of one's relationship, but as the relationship moves forward, expectations are increased.

It is when expectations are not met that things begin to go wrong. Thus, it is important for each person to relay to each other what their expectations are. Obviously, no one has the ability to read other people's minds. When you know what her wants are and she knows what your wants are, the both of you will become more attuned to each other's needs, and the relationship will be much more likely to flourish.

One of the needs that is common between a man and a woman is the need for sexual gratification. The thing is that men and women often have different ways of approaching the sexual act. Most women need to warm up before they engage in sexual activity. There are evolved differences between men and women regarding this aspect. Pre-historic men with their virtually endless supply of sperm mated as quickly as possible with as many women as possible. Women on the other hand with their limited reproductive resources and the great burden of raising children obviously want to take things slower. This does not mean that women dislike sex but it does mean that they want it to be meaningful.

For the purposes of this book I am not intending to cover the gambit of sexual relations and sexual techniques, but there are a few basics that should be discussed. For a satisfying sexual relationship to exist each person must be highly attuned to each other's needs in bed. No partner should expect that their partner should "just know" what to do. This goes for men as well as women. Therefore, the couple should let each other know what their likes and dislikes are right off the bat. This way, feelings of resentment are less likely to arise, and the couple's sex life is improved greatly.

There is the misconception that healthy couples have sex every day of the week. This is incorrect and not even desirable. If the act of sex becomes routine, then interest in sex will be diminished. There are different ranges of sexual activity. On the one extreme some have such a compulsion for sex in which they cannot function unless they are having sex on a rapid and constant basis. On the other extreme are people who rarely have sex or are celibate for pathological reasons. The above two examples would require one to see a therapist for treatment.

There are many benefits to being married. People who are married generally report less psychological problems than their non-married counterparts. Married couples live longer than non-married couples. There are a number of financial benefits to being married. Married partners can pool together their resources. When one partner falls on hard times financially, the other partner can give financial help. There are also legal benefits to being married. Married couples have power of attorney over each other in case one of the partners experiences a catastrophic health situation. Likewise, married couples share to transition of each others wealth and assets at the time of one's death.

Of course the benefits of marriage do not warrant a couple rushing into one. Before a couple ties the knot they should consider a number of factors. It is strongly recommended that each person sign a prenuptial agreement before making the marriage final. Saying that if couple really loves each other they should not have to sign a prenup is like saying that people should not have to wear seatbelts if they drive safely. The reality is that more than half of the marriages in the United States end up in divorce.

For one thing, consider what could happen if you do not sign a prenuptial agreement. Imagine the mental, emotional, and financial costs involved in taking the matter to a divorce court when no prior agreement has been made. There will likely be months or years of haggling over property, and thousands of dollars wasted on legal fees. However, having a contract like a prenuptial agreement would make things much easier. It would be very difficult for someone to break a legally binding agreement. Thus, there would be no need for wasting thousands of dollars on bitter divorce battles.

A successful marriage is dependent on many of the same things that are required of a non-married couple. Each person must first like themselves, then they must have a mutual likening of each other, and there must be quality communication between them. When children become part of the equation, it becomes readily apparent that there are shared responsibilities.