Tips for Summer Newlyweds

Here's a word you're going to get tired of fast: congratulations! You're euphoric from the engagement, whether hours or years. You have finally secured a date around which the rest of the event can be planned.

Allow me to save you thousands of dollars. The mobile DJ and wedding videographers are event expenditures that have expired like two-week old milk. Only event hall owners who have referral contracts with such services will argue this point. (When in doubt, follow the money.)

Mobile DJs are a dime a dozen. I worked at that job for over ten years in Arizona, California, and Colorado. Everyone watches wedding shows on The Learning Channel, the pilot episode of The Brady Bunch, and the Emmy-nominated wedding day of Josh and Riva on Guiding Light back in the late '80's.

Throw all that out.

What do you want the day to be?

The only place it's going to look "smooth" is on the video, which you will be wise not to hire a professional videography service to do. But, being that we're talking about the entire event, allow me to back up here.

Expect rain. I don't care what part of Yuma, Arizona you live in, expect that God will want your wedding day to be rainy. In the event it does not rain, your entire event will revolve around these events:

(Not in formal order:)

Choose a Marital Religious Denominational Ceremony
If the marriage is interfaith, as a pastor, it is my experience that a wedding is the least-beneficial place to try to exhibit secular unity. What worked for Michael Eisner's political strategy in running Disney in the 1980's and 90's will not work for two people of the opposite gender who want to raise a family together. If the pastor is willing to perform a same-sex gender wedding, check the credential for validity. No Christian denomination currently supports that. I had to sign a form stating I would never perform such a ceremony.

If a Jew wants to marry a Christian, a.k.a. a Gentile, know that though romance (and premarital sex/playing house) has made interfaith marriage seem like a manageable life choice, if one chooses their faith over the other's faith, there will not only be a high danger of divorce, for Christians, the New Testament allows for Believers to have the marriage ended righteously before God. (1 Corinthians 7:13) Have the talk now. The fiances really need to choose one Belief. If fiances cannot agree on a Belief system, I highly recommend saving the thousands of dollars on a wedding and pending divorce. The odds of their interfaith marriage surviving are low. Raising kids with mixed or contradictory beliefs is a recipe for confused children. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman divorced over this very issue, so don't think money will save the marriage. Cruise is a lay leader in the Church of Scientology. Kidman is a devout Catholic.

Pre-Marriage Counseling
Even for non-Christians, if the fiances are determined to be married by a priest or pastor in a Church, this should be mandatory. If the fiances are determined to skip this step, don't have a summer wedding. Go to Las Vegas and use a Drive Thru. If God's blessing is important to you, you must play by His rules. Husbands, love your wifes; wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord. If there is resistance to His Word, the marriage won't last past the next football season. Some people struggle with the phrasing. Learn its context. My most used phrase as a husband of eight years is, "Honey, I was wrong. I am sorry. Please forgive me."

Counseling is all about learning to compromise when that is the last thing one wants to do.

Wedding Shower
Girls Just Wanna Have Fun. This the perfect place for the gals, of all ages, to rock. Without men. This is the perfect place for the ladies who have been married the longest to share their experiences. Some may not be the healthiest, but even bad experiences can be a witness as to how much Jesus Christ needs of the center of one's marriage. This is the one event where the pictures and games last in the Bride's memory forever. The wedding might become a blur over time, but this party will be immortal. If a DJ is too expensive to hire for the reception, use home equipment and play your custom-choice wedding music here. Try on the dress, if possible, and brainstorm for the wedding itself. Most of all: the Bride must remind her friends, that her family, starting with her new husband, comes before they do. I always delighted in my wife spending time with her friends, creating automatic 'me-time', and I knew it helped her sanity to touch base with them...(they would mostly talk about and shop for me when out on their own). "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and they will become one flesh." (Genesis 2:24)

As far as decorations go, raid the 99-cent store. Do not go to a nightclub or bar. Satan knows you're getting married and will send hot guys to tempt you. There's nothing more attractive to him to harass than a fiance.

And, if necessary, have more than one. Do not fight over who will throw the Bride a shower. That kind of territorial vanity has no place in a wedding party that is all about the Bride, not her friends, parents or siblings.

Oh, and, do it without alcohol. Things one might never say while drunk cannot be said if no one is drunk.

Elder Dinner
Guy's lunch. Though Bachelor Parties are parodied on movies like Bachelor Party, the best type of event is a formal or semi formal lunch or dinner, (I recommend lunch), with a ball game in the background, where married guys an single guys gather to give the Groom advice on marriage. The best ones I have attended have been fun yet wisdom-filled afternoons of elder men praying over and prophesying over the Groom; one attempted to exercise his demonic natural gas, but it only made it worse...

Food, music and God's blessing over a long and fruitful married life. Notice how I didn't say "strippers"...unless a professional carpet and tile stripper is available. As, like the ladies, no booze.

Rehearsal Dinner
This is where one needs to pull out the stops, and if there is to be alcohol, this is the night. Everyone from both families gathers for the ultimate dinner and possibly dancing, a prelude to the reception. Let uncle George get loaded. Better tonight than tomorrow. (If he is surrounded by family, all should be safe.)

Wedding Ceremony/Vows
The most important part of this is the recording of it. As for music, keep it light. You can add music later to the video. Live singers are fine, but again, the biggest concern is that at least one of the two-hundred cell phones and other cameras recording or taking pictures of the vows, the shots that forever represent the big moment are captured with enough light and from decent angles. Assuming a photographer is hired, let them rule the "set". Tell pushy Aunt Belle to move the **** out of the way for the hired photo gun to take the shots that will hang on the wall forever. The photographer is on a clock, whereas family will see you back at the house...unless you're already at the house...

Keep the bridal parties small. There is no reason to make the Wedding Party procession out to be the All-Star Game line up announcements. Although, if that sounds like fun, this is the place to ham it up without upstaging the Bride and Groom.

Wedding Reception
DJ services were born from the lack of quality portable consumer music players or wedding singers. Like mobile video, there are unnecessary anymore. Make a song list, use a laptop, or borrow/rent one, and rent or buy two small portable speakers. the sound will be plenty for the room capacity. Most of said-systems come with some kind of PA system. Worse-case scenario, pause the music and the people will listen for announcements. And when giving announcements, make sure guests know when the cake is being cut and where, and the location of the restrooms.

As far as making the wedding video, the Apple Store allows anyone to schedule appointments to learn how to use iMovie or Final Cut Pro. Tutorials also exist. It takes several weeks to learn the software, and several minutes if one is not picky and packing iPhone video clips together over background music is enough for Facebook or Flicker, where long distance guests will be able to see the Instant Replay Highlights.

Make sure all your video masters are saved on a back up drive, for as your marriage passes through time, the next technology will allow you to add more footage...like kids.

I could add more, but that's enough for now. If money is no object, then hire a DJ that has no complaints on BBB.org, and pick the brain of the hotel reception hall's event coordinator. He/she went to college for this for purpose. And as always, avoid Craiglist.org. If it's on Craiglist.org, you don't want it.

Cory Parella is a pastor and movie producer who spent ten years as a freelance mobile DJ in Arizona, California and Colorado. He wrote about how he met his wife in the book Jedi To Jesus: The Making of a Christian Filmmaker.