Tips to Survive Being Married to a Paramedic

I am married to a paramedic and I was one in my former life before becoming a stay-at-home mom. It's a miracle that we ever managed to have a baby because few birth control methods are more effective than two paramedics working at different places on different shifts. It was tough back then but having the same career made it easy to deal with the unpredictability and missed Christmases. Now that we live totally different lives, coping isn't always easy. I've come up with a few tips and some humor (hopefully) to help you cope if you're lucky enough to be married to a paramedic too. I'm fairly sure my tips can help you if you're married to a firefighter too, but since I'm not, I can't vouch for 100% crossover in applicability.

Tip #1: Never schedule anything within six hours of a shift ending or starting. If you do, you will almost always have to cancel or go alone. It's cliche to invoke Murphy's Law but it's the only explanation for this peculiar phenomenon--unless you want to go with the idea that there's a grand conspiracy out there to get you. I go with the latter myself, but not everyone wants to admit that there's a grand conspiracy out there to get them. Your spouse is never guaranteed to get off of work on time. Never. Ever. Never. No one can ever predict when a bunch of idiots on cell phones applying makeup reading the newspaper eating breakfast will decide to get in a car accident. So if you schedule an appointment or engagement shortly after your spouse is supposed to come home, you're just asking for it. Same goes for scheduling something within a few hours of when your spouse is supposed to go to work. If they need extra manpower at work, chances are they'll call and if your spouse values their job, they'll head in.

Tip #2: Remember that sentimentality is for normal families, not for yours. What I mean is your spouse will have to work on important dates, be it your birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving and every other important date in your life. It's not always possible to take off or switch for those days, especially if it's a biggie like Christmas. If you are hung up on celebrating Christmas on December 25th, you'll be celebrating without your spouse. It really is okay to open presents on December 24th or 26th, especially if your spouse gets holiday pay. Don't pass up on time and a half in this economy!

Tip #3: Be understanding. Easier said than done, yeah, I know, I know. But you can either get pissed off that your spouse missed little Susy's piano recital or little Matt's baseball game, be in a foul mood and end up with a tension headache, or you can be understanding, avoid deeper frown lines and save money on Tylenol. Special events will be missed, just like holidays, and it can be difficult to explain to children why Mommy or Daddy couldn't be there. My daughter is two now and I tell her that Daddy is helping people with boo-boos or people who don't feel good and she understands. Once they get older you can joke about it with them: tell them that Mommy or Daddy has to help idiots on cell phones applying makeup reading the newspaper eating breakfast who get in car accidents.

Tip #4: Try not to be suspicious of your spouse's relationship with his/her opposite sex partner. I admit that a lot more than saving lives goes on in the back of ambulances sometimes, but most medics are too tired to get busy on the job (and at home, but I don't need to tell you that, do I?) If your spouse has worked with the same partner for a long time, trust me, they know each other too well to ever think about getting naked together unless they're being deconned after a hazmat incident.

Tip #5: Try not to be suspicious if your spouse is gone longer than s/he says they will be. Similar to Tip #1, emergencies happen when you least expect them (they just wouldn't be the same if they were planned). Your spouse may get a late call and not be able to let you know. The likelihood that s/he is out drinking with coworkers is remote (but it's possible) and we established in Tip #4 that most medics are too tired to get busy.

Tip #5: Let them sleep. The life of a medic is never easy. It's almost impossible to relax while on duty because of the anticipation of a call, being on a call, and recovering from a call. Even if they get to sleep all night, it's not restful because they're anticipating a call. So when they come home after a shift, just let them sleep, no matter how much you want them to stay up and wash the dishes.

Tip #6: Understand that the honey-do list may never get completed. Refer to Tip #5: medics are always tired and probably don't have that much time off. What's more important to you, painting the dining room or spending quality time with your spouse? As long as your parents aren't coming next week, the dining room can wait.

Tip #7: Ask them how their shift went. But don't ask them for details because you probably don't want to know. You might think you want to know, but do you really want to hear about someone's brains splattered against a wall? Nah, probably not. But if you do, you should become a medic too.

Tip #8: Don't get mad is s/he doesn't answer your calls or texts for hours on end. Dying people take priority over a text asking what your spouse wants for dinner. If you have an emergency and need to get in touch with your spouse, call 911. I'm kidding, but you should come up with some kind of signal to let them know they need to pay attention to you. My personal fave is calling incessantly until my husband answers and yells, "WHAT?!"

It's definitely not easy to spend your life with a paramedic but keeping your sense of humor and remembering that your spouse is saving lives goes a long way to making life a little easier.