Tips for Surviving Tragic Anniversaries

Getting through the anniversary of a personal crisis can be just as agonizing as the catastrophe itself. Although difficult, it is possible to feel human again, experiencing less pain as future anniversaries come and go. Your loss may not be a death, but the anniversary of a divorce or other traumatic experience. Regardless of the tragedy, it's a time to let yourself feel the pain and then move on.

Brenda B says she hates autumn, as it's this during this season, each year, she struggles with depression. However, it's understandable as it was in early October, four years ago, that she suddenly lost her husband due to a heart attack. For many people, the period between Thanksgiving and New Year's Day is tough because it's during the holidays that they lost loved ones or go experience another type of loss. Not only do they think about the events leading up to their loss, but they're also are reminded of those holidays of the past, when their families were together, happy, and healthy.

Often life catches us by surprise. The rug is pulled out from under us and we feel powerless. Somehow, most of us pick ourselves up and carry on. Yet, for many people, the anniversary of a crisis presents special challenges. It's a time we're forced to relive the grief, to feel all the emotions we felt originally. We may not have control over life's unexpected tragedies. However, we can take steps to prepare for their anniversaries.

Plan Ahead

Rather than have the anniversary take you by surprise, prepare ahead of time how you want to spend the day. First, find a support system. Talk to friends and loved ones, expressing how you feel. Let them know what you want and do not want to do as the anniversary date approaches. Tell them what you want to talk about on that day, as well as what you do not want to discuss. Make up a schedule for the day, including places to go and when to go there.

Control TV Viewing

If your tragedy was a public disaster, such as 9-11, limit the time spent in front of the television or radio, reliving the horror. Many 9-11 widows have found that staying glued to the television set enhances their grief. To see repeated images of planes crash into buildings only brings up horrific memories, rather than helps in the healing process.

Call a Friend

Reach out and call someone who can help you share the pain of the anniversary. Perhaps you have a special friend or family member who was with you when you went through the first difficult days of loss. Get together and share fond memories of the person who died, rather than dwelling on the pain of his (or her) passing alone.

Go Through Photograph Albums

Take out old photo albums and remember the good times you shared with those who are now gone from your life. Instead of reviewing their last days, concentrate of the happy times you shared together and what they meant to you.

Get Some Exercise

Just by taking a walk, your body releases endorphins, which help you feel better. What's more, include a good friend on your walk where you can share fond memories of your departed loved one.

Let the Tears Flow

This is an excellent time to let your emotions out. Rather than bottling up your feelings, let them flow. Go their your loved one's grave site and express your love. Besides designating a time to cry alone, also let others dry your tears. Find at least one trusted friend to whom you can pour out your heart.

Smile Again

After letting your emotions out, make a decision to smile---even on the day of the tragic anniversary. Look for the little ways friends and family support you and be thankful, letting them know how much their help means to you. Then, do something nice for yourself on that day. Whether it's taking a long bubble bath or treating yourself to a massage, just be extra kinder to yourself.

Find Someone Else Who Needs a Hug

Finally, look around for people to help that are worse off than you. Perhaps they're suffering from a fresher wound or maybe they're experiencing their tragedies now. By giving of yourself you can reduce your own pain and start to heal.