Tips for Taming Your Toddler's Tantrums

Many people feel overly comfortable offering unsolicited advice and warnings to new parents. I remember one particular incident that took place when my daughter was about three months old. At that point, we were in a pretty good routine, she was actually sleeping in four hour stretches at night, and overall, I was enjoying motherhood. A friend looked at me with knowing eyes and said, "Just wait until she hits the terrible twos."

The "terrible twos" is a term that is often used to refer to the period between 18 months and three years of age when children are more prone to engage in temper tantrums. My daughter is almost three now and she has definitely had her moments, but I have learned a few strategies along the way that have helped to avoid or quickly curtail her tantrums, and I can honestly say that I have really enjoyed her toddler years.

Plan ahead

Toddlers are more likely to have a tantrum during times when they are hungry, tired, or stressed. Try to stick to their daily routine as much as possible. Do not plan an outing during nap time or a meal time. If you think that an outing will run close to a meal time, make sure that you take plenty of snacks with you. Also, try to prepare your child ahead of time for changes or transitions. For example, if your child has been playing and you will be leaving to run errands soon, you might say, "We need to put your toys away soon because we need to go to the store in a few minutes."

Pick your battles

Toddlers want to be more independent and often become frustrated when they are unable to do things on their own. Provide them with plenty of opportunities to make choices so that they can feel a sense of independence. For example, you can choose two different shirts when it is time to get dressed and say, "Do you want to wear the blue shirt or the red one?" Offer two different choices for snack time. Let them choose between two videos. Let them help you pick out the cereal at the grocery store.

Help them to communicate

Toddlers also get frustrated when they are unable to communicate their wants and needs. I began signing with my daughter when she was about 10 months old. I started with simple signs such as more, eat, and drink. It took a few months, but I will never forget the day when she signed "more" to let me know that she wanted more fruit with her cereal. I gradually added more signs that would be functional for her at the time such as please, thank you, and monkey (her favorite stuffed animal). Using sign language did not delay my daughter's speech development in any way and I actually believe it helped to enhance it. I also believe that it helped us to avoid a number of tantrums because she had a way to communicate with us. If you are interested in starting sign language with your baby or toddler, Baby Hands Productions has an online video dictionary that you can access for free.

You can also help your child build their vocabulary by providing them with a model to express their feelings. For example, if he or she starts throwing a tantrum because it's time to put toys away and take a nap you can say, "You are sad because you wanted to keep playing." As your child starts to develop his own vocabulary, you can remind him or her to "use your words" when upset.

Stay calm

Dealing with a child's tantrums is never easy and your first instinct may be to yell back at them, but it is important to stay calm. When a young child throws a tantrum, he or she often feels out of control emotionally and physically. For some children, it helps if you pick them up and soothe them. Other children need some time to cool off first and you may need to leave them for a minute or two. For young children, it may be helpful to try to distract them with something else. For example, if your child is upset because he didn't want to put his toys away and doesn't want to take a nap, you can talk about something fun that the two of you can do together after the nap. With older children, it may be helpful to remind them to use their words or to provide them with other coping strategies such as taking a deep breath.

Watch for signs that your child is approaching a melt down and try to intervene beforehand. For example, if your child is trying to build a tower with blocks and is getting frustrated because they aren't lining up well and keep falling down, step in and help. If he is trying to put his shoes on, but can't quite do it, step in.

If you are in public when your child begins throwing a tantrum, you can use some of the strategies provided above to try to deal with it, or you can simply leave and go to the car. Don't worry about what others may think. Many people have probably been through the same thing before and sympathize with your situation.