Tips on Teaching Your Only Child to Share

If you're raising or caring for an only child and worried they'll grow up to be selfish, relax. Naturally, teaching an only child to share is as important as teaching any other child to share, but there's nothing complicated about it. In fact, circumstantial evidence seems to suggest that only children are actually more generous than those with siblings because they're not continually struggling for attention or fighting with someone for their favorite toy. Only child or not, though, most kids need a nudge now and then to help them learn how to share. Here are some things you can do to help your little one learn.

Teach your child how sharing works

Toddlers often won't share because they simply don't understand the concept. They usually think they have to give away their toy permanently. If your only child toddler won't share, clearly explain what the other child wants. Say something like, "Danny's just borrowing your toys to play with here. They're still yours, though, so he can't take them home."

Role play sharing

With toddlers, this could be something as simple as taking turns adding ingredients to a sandwich or turning pages of the book your reading together. With older kids, you can use role plays to help them learn when sharing is appropriate and, for those times they'd rather not share, how to explain why and what to do instead, such as offer a different toy.

Share community toys

Toddlers are often more willing to share toys to which "Mine!" doesn't genuinely apply. That's why playgrounds, restaurant play areas and other places with community toys are perfect places to teach sharing. Making regular visits to places like these can help get your only child more comfortable with the idea of sharing.

Talk about it

You can help toddlers understand the feelings related to sharing and borrowing just by naming and talking about those feelings. If your child wants to borrow something her friend won't give up, you might explain it with something like, "Amanda's grandma gave her that doll, so it's special. Why don't you ask her for a different doll?" If your child's reluctant to share a toy, a question like "You won't let Tom play with your car because you're afraid he won't give it back?" can help you find out why.

Let your child see you share

There's no better way to teach than through example. When you share with a friend, make sure your only child knows. Tell them about how your friend came over to borrow a cup of sugar or the hedge trimmers and how glad you were you could help them out by sharing with them.

Make sure your child's things are respected

Just like adults, children tend to get possessive of their belongings when they see those belongings mishandled. If you notice other children playing rough with your only child's toys or books, ask them to play more gently. If it's a frequent problem, get some tough toys your child doesn't mind seeing thrown around.

Keep special things safe

Let's be honest, we all have things we'd rather not share with every house guest and kids are just the same. Before you have any little guests over, give your child the chance to pick out some toys they're willing to share and put away the ones they don't want anyone else to play with.

Let them know selfishness is wrong

A big part of teaching a child to share is simply pointing out which actions are generous and which are selfish. If you see your only child doing something selfish, gently reprimands them and explain why what they're doing isn't nice. The opposite works just as well. When you catch your child sharing and giving, let them know how proud you are of them.

Point out opportunities for sharing

In some households, only children can become so used to doing everything on their own that they tend to become lost in their own little world and may not notice a moment when it would be appropriate to share. Sometimes a gentle reminder like "Maybe Jane would like a snack, too." or "Why don't you show Bobby how your new toy works?" can help.

It's not all about stuff

Keep in mind that sharing doesn't just apply to things. Older kids can learn to share their time, knowledge, and skill by doing volunteer work with you. Libraries, soup kitchens, and animal shelters often have volunteer opportunities for children 10 and older who come with an adult. Even an only child who's too young to volunteer can still help you pack up food or clothing and go with you to deliver it to a local charity.

While some only children need extra practice getting comfortable with the nuances of sharing and borrowing, almost all eventually pick up on the concept just as well as kids with siblings do. Exactly how to teach an only child to share depends on the child's age, but in many cases, a little extra nudge may be all they need.