Tips for Toddler Triumphs: Building Self Confidence

"All by myself" are words of joy to parents for many reasons. This means our children are ready to assert their independence, complete tasks on their own and become their own person. It means that they are already exhibiting the first seeds of self-confidence, seeds that as parents we need to nurture and help to grow. But how can we build self-confidence in such young children who often need a lot more help than they are willing to accept? These 10 tips can help to begin building self-esteem and confidence skills in toddlers, skills that they will need as they grow to be teens and adults.

You've got to accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative to build self confidence.

Find a way to reward positive behaviors more frequently than punishing "negative," behaviors. Use positive and specific words, such as "I like that way you picked up all your toys," to provide not only direction, but positive reinforcement. Compliment your child, letting them know what they did right and what they could do better.

Resist comparisons with other children.

Work through challenges together. "I know it's hard to reach that shelf to put the book away. What can we do so we can reach it?" Don't be surprised to hear "you do it!" when you are looking for a step stool. Help to provide your toddler with coping skills to understand those tasks (like nap time) that he or she doesn't want to do.

Don't panic if your child is not always "on" with confidence. After all, are you?

Actions speak louder than words towards building self confidence in toddlers.

Hugs, kisses and even a drawing inside your preschooler or toddler lunch box for day care or preschool can say a whole lot. Show your toddler how proud you are of achievements. Use a bulletin board or magnets on the fridge to show off his or her work.

To be, or not to be - that is the question.

Be specific about tasks; general terms can be confusing and overwhelming to any age person. Toddlers in particular need instruction like "please put away all your blocks," instead of "go clean up your room." Be excited for and with your child. When they say "come see what I did!" then go and see what they did and thank them or praise them for it.

Be:

Open to asking for and showing you need help to set the example for your toddler and show him or her that everyone needs a little help now and then.

Honest about your mistakes. "You know you are right, Mommy did forget to tie your shoes; maybe you could help me remember next time."

With your child during play, spending time on the floor doing what they like to do and learning an appreciation for their creative minds.

Realistic. Don't except your small child to know immediately what to do and how to do it, even if they have completed the same task before.

Not to be:

Full of praise; not everything that your child does requires a standing ovation. Save your loudest praise for the really big jobs or eventually they will tune out your praise or become over confident.

Impatient; taking over the task and saying "oh just let me do it!"

Why teach your toddler self-confidence?

There are many advantages to teaching your toddler self-confidence including later school success, independence and an ability to handle peer pressure and act independently. Children with high self-esteem are less likely to participate in risky behaviors like cutting, anorexia or promiscuity.

According to California family therapist Jane Nelsen, co-author of the Positive Discipline series says, "Self-esteem comes from having a sense of belonging, believing that we're capable, and knowing our contributions are valued and worthwhile."

As any parent knows, self-esteem is a fleeting experience," says Nelsen. "Sometimes we feel good about ourselves and sometimes we don't. What we're really trying to teach our kids are life skills, like resiliency. Your goal as a person is to ensure that your child develops pride and self-respect - in himself and in his cultural roots - as well as faith in his ability to handle life's challenges."

Read more by this contributor:

Ten Tips for Raising a Confident Child
Parent's Setting the Stage - Acting as a "Bad Sport"
Green Parenting Advice: An Interview with Dr. Sears

Sources:

BBC

Ask Dr. Sears

National Center for Infants, Toddlers and Families