Tips on How to Uninvite a Wedding Guest

Weddings are stressful enough. What do you do when you're in a situation where you've already sent out your wedding invitations and you find yourself in a situation where you have to cut down your list forcing you to uninvite some invited guests. Maybe you're having to uninvite someone who invited themselves, or you could have just changed your mind about the invite. Whatever reason you have for uninviting a wedding guest, it's a difficult situation. It is improper wedding etiquette to uninvite guests. So, before you do this, make sure that there is no other way to solve the problem. But, if you feel it is absolutely necessary and there's no way around it, what should you do or say to avoid hurting a person's feeling about being "uninvited" to your wedding?

If the reason you need to cut down the list is because you either don't have enough in your budget to accommodate all the guests, or because you've realized the hall won't hold as many people as you've invited, there's a few things you can do. First, separate your guests into three groups. Definitely coming, definitely not coming and maybe coming. Double check to make sure the people who are definitely not are set in that decision. Get a hold of the people that you haven't heard from and you're unsure if they have made plans to come and ask them if they are.

But, before coming right out and asking them, explain the situation first. "Hi, Susie. I'm just calling because I realized (explain situation). I haven't received your RSVP yet and I'm trying to get an idea of who I can expect so I can figure things out. Do you know if you are going to be able to attend?" Perfect.

Remember to explain the situation first so your invited guest will understand or sympathize with you and the situation. You may find that the people who haven't sent back an RSVP were on the fence anyhow. They may have two things going on that day and you explaining the situation may make their decision easy for them. It's quite possible they may have had to rearrange a lot of their plans to attend. Susie just might say, "You know, my daughter's dance recital is that same night and I was trying to figure out a way to attend both. Why don't I just go to that and we'll get together after your honeymoon." You may just find the person has a solution for you that you may not have expected.

Now, once you have your list of people who are definitely coming, you can start to weed it out. Figure out how many people you have to uninvite. Try to keep it to a certain group of people such as all of you and your fiance's coworkers. This way, nobody feels singled out. A great idea is to have a small cocktail party at your house or restaurant after your honeymoon for the uninvited guests.

Nicely explain, "Due to (problems at the venue, smaller church, not enough room, or whatever the problem is), I have been forced to cut the number of guests we can invite to the wedding. I feel awful about having to do this and I it dampens the joy I feel about our upcoming wedding. I have been pondering on how to solve this for quite some time and we decided to keep it to just family (or whatever group of people). We will be having a cocktail party to celebrate our one month anniversary and we hope that you will be able to attend that."

There's really not much else you can do. Just be sure that you keep it to a specific group of people. Your coworkers are likely to understand more if everybody you work, play bowling with, or take ballroom dancing lessons with isn't attending either.

What if the problem is it's just one specific guest or guests? If someone has invited themselves, or you've invited someone you didn't really want to and have changed your mind, there's probably no easy way to ask them to not attend. Again, you need to ask yourself if this is something you really need to do. If it is, you are the bride (or groom). It's your wedding and you can invite (or uninvite) who you want, just make sure you are tactful about it.

The best way to go about it is to simply be honest about why you think they shouldn't attend. Ask them person to understand what you're about to request of them. The sooner you do this, the better. Don't wait until the week before. Be prepared for drama or to even lose a friend. Know what you are going to say before you say it and apologize before you do the actual "uninviting."