Tips for Wedding Planning: The First Dance

Picture it: it's your wedding day. You've spent the last year ironing out every detail to make it the perfect day. Your dress is everything you've dreamed of since you were a little girl. The cake is stunning, the decorations are beautiful, and the bridesmaids are beaming. There isn't a dry eye in the house as the MC announces the first dance of the new couple. The band starts to play "your" song, and your new husband leads you out on the floor. He takes you in his arms and sways back and forth, in one spot, for the next three and a half minutes. By the end, your guests are looking painfully bored, and frankly, so are you! What happened? You didn't take dance lessons! Why would anyone spend that much time, energy and money on planning the perfect day, but leave out this one important detail?

As a ballroom dance instructor, I have helped many couples get ready for their first dance at their wedding. In addition, I survived planning my own wedding so I've been there and done that! Ballroom dancing lessons are a worthwhile investment: they're a lot of fun and partner dancing is a skill that the two of you can enjoy forever. I've assembled some frequently asked questions to help you out, along with some questions you need to ask yourself and your instructor.

How many lessons will we need?

This depends on many factors: how good you want to be, how quickly you learn, whether you've had any dance experience (of any kind) in the past, and how much you want to learn. Do you just want to learn a few steps and just be able to get around the floor, without stepping on each other or looking silly? Would you rather have a fully choreographed routine, involving many more steps and maybe some advanced moves? Do you want to learn a couple of different types of dances so that you can dance all night long, or just enough to get through the one song? For average learners who only want to learn a few steps, five hours of private lessons or a month or two of group classes are generally sufficient. Start your lessons two to three before the wedding, so that you can take one per week and have some time left in case you miss a week or decide you need an extra hour or two. If you want to learn more, consider starting six months to a year before the wedding day. You can start by taking some group lessons, which are economical, and add private lessons once you've decided what you want to do. I strongly advise against scheduling any lessons during the week before your wedding unless you have to, as you will have much to do that week. Above all, make sure you practice! You'll learn more quickly if you do, and practicing what you've learned can provide a welcome break from wedding planning-not to mention, it's good exercise!

What dance should we learn?

The dance you learn depends entirely on the song you pick. Pick a song that is meaningful to you, and then decide how dance to it with your instructor. Foxtrot is the most common, isn't difficult, and can be danced to many different types of music. Many people want to learn waltz for their wedding, but unfortunately there aren't a lot of popular songs that are waltzes.

You may end up picking a song that is difficult to dance to, but your instructor should be able to help you work something out. It is more important that you like the song you picked than it is to have one that is "approved" for ballroom dancing, although it certainly doesn't hurt to be flexible and have a couple of songs to choose from. However, don't make any decisions that you might look back on and regret. If you have your heart set on a particular song and your instructor insists that you pick another one, find another instructor. Also, don't be afraid to break from tradition. Some couples will do Swing, Rumba, or even Tango as their first dance! Decide what is most important to you: having fun and dancing to YOUR song, or following tradition?

Should our parents and wedding party learn how to dance, too?

Why not? If you're going to have them dance before the other guests, it will look better and they will enjoy it more if they know how. Even if you're not going to make them dance in front of people, it's a great thank-you gift! They'll love being able to dance all night long at your wedding and look good while they're doing it! Talk to your studio to see if they have a special deal for having the whole group take lessons together. If you can't afford private lessons for them, group lessons would also be helpful and much cheaper.

My fiancé doesn't want to learn to dance. How do I talk him into it?

Unfortunately, this happens more often that I would like. One half of the couple desperately wants to learn to dance, and the other doesn't. What to do? You can tell your fiancé how much it would mean to you if they would do this for you, but the decision has to be theirs. If you plead and cajole until they finally give in and go against their will, no one is going to have a good time. They'll be miserable, and in the end you'll probably regret it. If they agree to take lessons and put their best face on it, that's great. However, if they are adamantly opposed to the idea, please respect their wishes. Sorry to be a downer here, but I've seen several couples who wasted a lot of time and money and the one party who was once so excited about dance lessons ended up very disappointed with the outcome. One suggestion I have is asking them to take just one lesson with you before making a commitment, because sometimes they'll realize how fun it is and change their mind!

How much do dance lessons cost, and how do I choose a studio?

How much can you afford? What is the going rate in your area? Be sure to call around. If there are several studios in your area, shop carefully. Make sure the instructor is willing to work with you to give you what you want, has reasonable prices, and has openings that fit into your schedule. Prices range depending on the studio and the location. Private lessons generally range from $35 to $100 per hour and group classes are generally around $5 to $15 per hour. The price is not always indicative of the quality of the instructor! You don't need a world champion to teach you a few steps, but you do want someone who is a good teacher. Personal references are the best way to go-do you have any friends that have taken dance lessons? Where did they go, and were they happy with the results?

We don't have a song. What do you suggest?

Pick something that means something to you. Was it the first song you ever danced to together? Do you remember the song that was playing on the radio during your first kiss? Maybe it's a romantic song by your favorite band, or the words have special meaning. Do you want something slow and romantic, or upbeat and fun? Do you like alternative, rock, oldies, the standards, or country music? Try to have a song, or at least narrow it down to a few choices, picked by your first lesson so you can get started right away learning to dance to it. If you just can't find anything, talk to your instructor as they may have some ideas for you.

Another consideration is the length of the song. How long do you want to be in the spotlight? Some couples want to savor the moment for as long as possible, while others worry about having so many people watch them for longer than a minute or two. In my opinion, you're giving your guests a three or four hour reception. They can watch you have one of the most romantic moments of your life for three to five minutes! Besides, you're taking dance lessons, so you'll be entertaining. If you still don't like the idea of dancing to a whole song, consider dancing for a couple of minutes, then bringing in the parents, wedding party, or the guests to join you on the floor. If the song has a long introduction, I will often have my students walk on to the floor while it's playing in order to stall a little.

Some other considerations

Are you having a DJ or a band? If a band, will they play your song, or will you use a CD? Will you do the whole song by yourselves, or bring other people on partway through? Will you be having other special dances, i.e. father/daughter, mother/son, wedding party? Decide what you want to do, and your instructor and DJ or MC can help you work out the details.

I hope you've found this article helpful! Good luck, best wishes, and happy dancing!

A few suggestions for first dance songs:

Foxtrot (some of these can also be Swing):
Just about anything by Frank Sinatra, including: I've Got You Under My Skin, Fly Me to the Moon, The Best is Yet to Come, The Way You Look Tonight
Dancing Cheek to Cheek
It Had to Be You (Harry Connick Jr.)
In My Life (The Beatles)
Love is Here to Stay (Harry Connick Jr.)
This Business of Love
They Can't Take that Away From Me

Waltz:
Fascination (Nat King Cole)
May I Have This Dance (Ann Murray)
Dance Only With Me (Perry Como)
It is You (Dana Glover-this is fast, consider having it slowed down)
Spring
The Summer of Our Love

Night Club Two Step:
From This Moment (Shania Twain)
This Kiss (Faith Hill)
I Knew I Loved You (Savage Garden)
Breathe (Faith Hill)
Still The One (Faith Hill)