Tips While Coping with Divorce

Dealing with an uncooperative spouse during a divorce can be trying at best and emotionally scarring at worst. Unless you are one of the lucky few that upon agreeing to get a divorce go hand in hand with your spouse to visit the lawyer then the road before you is neither easy nor short. If you are one of the lucky ones then stop and try counseling before you go through with the divorce.

No matter what you do a divorce is never easy, however there are some things that can minimize the emotional roller coaster ride that the next few months will bring.
Use "I" comments when talking to your spouse. Instead of telling him/her that they're being unreasonable try saying "I feel that you're being unreasonable about this", it tends to deflate the criticism while still making your point. When a person thinks they are being criticized or accused they will often lash out in anger which can easily escalate into a yelling match between both parties. Never accuse or criticize, try instead to use those "I' comments.
Talk to friends and family members about being present when you must meet face to face with your spouse so that there can be less argument later about what was said or discussed. Also keep in mind that meeting in public places can often keep tempers in check as most people do not like to put on a public showing of their dirty laundry.

Talk to a lawyer; even if you have no plans to retain one. Make an appointment for a consultation and find out what the laws are in your state. There are many circumstances that can have a bearing on your individual case. Length of residency, children, military status, to name a few. Your best bet is to make a simple list of things that relate to your case and discuss it with a knowledgeable lawyer in your area. If you or your spouse is military then make sure to speak to a lawyer that specializes in military divorces.

Lists are great for other aspects of your divorce; it will simplify the process when it comes time to divide assets and debts. Remember that houses, cars, jewelry and physical belongings are just a few of the items that are considered assets. There are also retirement plans, stocks, bonds, cd's, savings accounts, and life insurance polices to be considered.

When dividing the debts the courts should take into account the expected income of each party; if you and your spouse plan to come to your own decision about the debts it's still a good idea to take a good look at what each person makes and split the debt accordingly. Sometimes it is fair to split the debt 50/50. Other times this may put an undue burden on one party.

File a temporary stay so that neither party can make changes to things such as medical or life insurance, homeowners policies, etc. This should also keep you from being held liable for any debts that your spouse runs up after this point; be sure to discuss the details with a lawyer as the laws differ by state.