Tired of Life

As I sit here, only a few months after turning forty (yikes, I am over the hill), I have come to a conclusion. My health hasn't been the greatest in recent months and I have been contemplating all of the sicknesses I could have. Then I realized, I am just plain tired of life and all of the baggage it throws me. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I am tired of being alive; it's just that I have accumulated so many missed opportunities and unclaimed dreams that I am now lost. It's the bullshit that is making me ill and the stress that builds with it.

There are many emotions that I can no longer handle. The list is very long so I will start by mentioning just a few of these evil feelings. My number one choice would be selfishness. Why is it so easy for people to think of only their feelings? Most people wouldn't blink an eyelash at hurting a loved one if it leads to personal pleasure.

Betrayal, now this is a widely achieved emotion. Dreams and promises given out like blades of grass. The receiver is anticipating a future of happiness; just to be trampled over while on the path of living.

Deception is a gold mine, especially when performed by a family member. Take your only child, for instance, didn't you struggle through life to get her to adulthood! Why does she think of you as an enemy as she grows older? I have no answer.

I hate hopelessness; it makes people feel so useless. How far do you have to go to solve a problem, and is every problem yours to solve? In my life, I made every problem mine to solve. After all, there was no one else who would take the job.

Financial independence; I gag when I think about it. The more you make the more they take. The more you buy the longer you owe. You find yourself living day by day, just hoping you can last until the next paycheck. Credit is given out way too easily these days.

Communication is a necessity that seems to have disappeared? Without it the world cannot survive. There is not one type of relationship that can maintain stability without communication.

What happened to appreciation? Did it run out of steam? Was it voted out as a human ritual? I hardly ever felt it, and the times I have felt it have been buried by betrayal.

I have always tried to be understanding of others as I wanted them to understand me. Everyone needs to hear and see both sides of the story and absorb the facts. But no, most people pass judgment so quickly, underestimating the concerns of all involved.

Jealousy, now this is a strong emotion, one of the worst for ruining a life. It is bad enough that jealousy was thought of as a sexual emotion but, that is not so. Jealousy can also occur when someone wants what someone else has and their actions can be harmful.

Finally, I will mention greed. I truly despise this word. No one is ever satisfied with what they have. Why can't people accept what is given, by law or otherwise, and stop asking for more? No matter how much burden is placed on the giver, the greedy people want more. They will strip you of everything, including your heart and soul.