Titanic 2: The Sequel

You can't keep a good boat down: Sure, "Avatar" passed it as the biggest movie of all time, but guess what? Director James Cameron is converting "TITANIC" into a 3D movie for theatrical re-release. This may be one way to appease all the Titaniacs out there, but in the Hollywood of remakes, sequels and reboots, is it enough? Do you really think that Hollywood would let a little thing like the death of all the characters and the sinking of the ship stop them from making a sequel? I think not. And I'm more than willing to pitch my ideas for the sequel that must be:

Titanic of the Dead--Remember at the end of "Titanic," all the ghosts are down in the ship? Well, what happens when an evil salvage company tries to raid their beloved wreck and violate their final resting place? They get mad, then they get even! That'll teach those humans to mess with their ship!

T2: Judgement Bay--Turns out Leonardo is the great-great-great-grandfather of that kid in "Terminator 2." So Arnold Schwarzenegger is sent back in time to the Titanic to save Jack and the ship.

Hindenburg--Rose, who vowed never to set foot on a ship again, is booked aboard the great airship Hindenburg. And who should she meet in Germany? Jack's twin brother! Great title song, too, "Hindenburg, The Club Mix."

Gilligan's Island: The Motion Picture--Well, not really a sequel, but imagine the business it would do with Leonardo as Gilligan, Kate as Ginger, and all the rest aboard the S.S. Minnow for that fateful 3 hour tour! Boffo!

Titanic 2: The Wrath of the Iceberg--The iceberg, now having killed, kills again. It roams the Atlantic, preying on unsuspecting ocean liners. Finally, Rose and a scrappy band of survivors team up with a mad sea captain and an expert on ice to hunt down the iceberg and destroy it. Armed only with a flame-thrower, they eventually lure it to the equator.

Waterworld Meets Titanic--Kevin Costner's gill-man finds others just like himself living in the remains of the Titanic. They must defend their domain from a race of submarine-driving humans. You gotta figure even "Waterworld" can make money with this tie-in.

Revenge of the Titanic--A strange, radioactive meteor lands in the Atlantic. Its rays bring the giant ship to life. It then cruises the Atlantic, attacking ships, searching for its one true love, Rose. It catches her and eventually climbs to the top of a very tall iceberg, where it's shot down by the Air Corps.

Starship Titanic--Rose's great-great-great-granddaughter, Ripley, is aboard a new starship. And a meteor is headed right for it. Oh, and there's one of those aliens on board, too!

Titanic Panic!--A wacky comedy version where all different passengers of the ship are on a mad, mad, madcap search for the "Heart of the Ocean" necklace before the ship sinks.

I can practically hear James Cameron (or his ex-wife's lawyers) crowing now.