Tits Up!

You'd think that healthy breasts wouldn't be terribly hard to sell. After all, they're pretty much everywhere you look, particularly in the summertime when plunging necklines and bra-tops come out to play. And let's not forget all the advertisements in which busty women are used to sell cars, booze, cigarettes and even, oddly enough, bras.

So why is it that when you try to raise funds for breast cancer research, people start to get all weird on you? Surely it's not due to some kind of prudishness or anti-boobery. And yet when people are so stingy about donating to a cause that, on the surface, appears to be so near and dear to their hearts, you really have to wonder what's going on.

As a woman who loves breasts in all their many forms, I've decided to walk in the annual Weekend to End Breast Cancer this year. In case you don't know about this event, it's a 60-kilometre walk to raise awareness about the disease, with walks held across Canada in all the major cities. One hundred per cent of the donations gathered by the participants in Montreal go directly to the Jewish General Hospital's Segal Cancer Centre, so it's really a fabulous cause.

The thing is, I need to raise $5,000 by August 22, and it's already July 24. Yipes!

My first move was to contact my beloved Facebook friends. I've currently got 243 people listed as friends, whether actual, imaginary or mere acquaintance. If everyone on my list were to donate just $10, I'd easily make the minimum $2,000 required to participate in the walk. I'm being a bit more ambitious and hope to raise at least $5,000 in total, so everyone will instead need to donate a minimum of $20.58. Seem steep? Consider this: If you never make any other charitable contributions this year, that amount works out to be about six cents per day. That seems pretty reasonable, even for the broke-ass students and starving artists that make up the bulk of my friends.

But let's be realistic. Most of the people on Facebook don't give a damn what you're asking them to do; they're just not interested in participating, no matter what. Even if you promise free autographed photos of your hot rack for people who donate more than $100 in one shot. Thus, I turn to you, the fabulous people who read my column every week and have been dying to show your support in a tangible yet selfless way.

The money I ask you to send can benefit both of us. If you don't have breast cancer and don't know anyone who does, consider yourself lucky. According to the Breast Cancer Society of Canada, an estimated 22,400 Canadian women will be diagnosed with breast cancer this year, and 5,300 of them will die from it. That's 5,300 preventable deaths - preventable with the amount of money you probably spend on coffee in any given week. And not the fancy lattes, but the plain-old cuppa joe type!

That may sound kind of Sally Struthers, but if you think about it, 20 bucks really isn't that much to ask for. On its own, it might only buy you a single meal in a restaurant, but when you and your friends and family and their friends and family all contribute just $20 to the cause, it starts to add up fast. And what worthier cause is there than helping women keep their perky tits healthy?

If you've got $20 to spare - or more! - I would love for you to donate to my total. It's really easy to do, whether you prefer making an online donation via credit card or mailing in a cheque. All you have to do is go to my personal page on the Weekend to End Breast Cancer's website at www.endcancer.ca/goto/vforvixen. You'll see the "V for Vixen" logo there, and you can donate online by choosing from the monetary options listed, or mail in your funds by clicking the link that says "To print out a donation form, click here."

If you donate more than $10, you'll automatically receive a tax receipt in the mail (or via email if you're donating online), which is another great reason to be as generous as you can. As an added bonus, I'm also offering the aforementioned autographed photo of my own boobs for donors of $100 or more. It's win-win!

The Weekend to End Breast Cancer takes place Aug. 22-24. To register as a participant, volunteer at the event or donate to the cause, please go to www.endcancer.ca.