To Daddy with Love

It had been five years since he opened the letter that his daughter had left. He thought about it as he lay in bed next to his wife. She lie there so peaceful and serene breathing softly. Today was the day. The first day she had left all those years ago, a silent tear slipped down his cheek resting in he crevice of his ear. His body did not move but his eyes wandered to the letter which he still kept in his bedside table, to remind him of his precious daughter. His wife stirred slowly rolling over on her side to face him. And then there she was, he looked to his wife and smiled more tears slipping down his cheeks, as he reviled in her beauty; their daughter had held the same incantations as well. He smiled his lips growing wide as he continued to stare at her sleeping essence, she smiled in return, as if she knew secretly he was watching. Opening the letter was the first right step he had taken in years and he knew it had saved their marriage as well. There were no more secrets, he loved her, she loved him, and yet he still held a sinking sadness that he could not grasp. It was not tangible. That much he knew for certain.

He growled and grimaced, he was determined to get over this bump. His daughter had ran away from home at age 17 leaving behind a letter. Not two letters, and no one letter addressed to the both of them but one letter, addressed to him, 'To Daddy with Love', the front of the envelope read. He gently stroked his wife's cheek and shifted wrapping his arm around her waist. He understood know, how she felt, when after all she did for their daughter, she choose me and not her.

He blinked again tracing that small wisp of hair from her face and tucking it gently behind her ear. He loved moments like this. He tried to ignore the tiny fragments of the entire situation that continuously played in his head. Two weeks from now, she would be 25. He blinked his eyes and felt the wetness again falling freely. Closing his eyes, he held her tightly for a moment, then he let go of a heavy sigh. Pulling back the covers he turned and pushed himself out of bed. He did not want her to see him like this. And then he felt a soft tug on his shoulder. She smiled up at him, tears brimming under her eyelids as well, she whispered, 'Stay with me, please?'

He smiled and nodded, choking on tears and feeling that burning sensation in his throat. He laid back down beside her and they embraced tightly for many moments not speaking a word, just feeling the warmth of one another. She was the first to speak a slight whisper, 'I love you', was all she said as she squeezed him.

He stroked her hair running his fingers through the loose strands. he smiled wiping away tears with the back of this other hand. 'I love you, too.' He swallowed hard.

'I know its been hard, but its been getting better, and you know I'm here for you always,' she said to him, her chin resting on his chest, her eyes boring into him.

He smiled warmly, 'I know.'

It has been so long, he thought, with out even looking he saw the words of the letter running sentences in circles in his head they danced like tiny ballerinas in a play.

'I've always wanted to become something more, Daddy, my hope is that one day you'll understand...'

How could she have known, his fist clenched now out of anger, he could fell his features growing taught.

'What's wrong? What are you thinking of?' she asked him with concern oozing from every word.

His mouth hung open, '... I...' a long pause and she already knew.

She did not have to say anything, but she did, 'It hurts me too, you know,' a short pause and then, 'it hurts me more to see you like this.'

'I'm sorry,' he said and really meant it,' she was...'

She cut him off, 'We both know what she was, that won't change, what we need to find is what she still is to the both of us.'

He nodded smiling feebly. I could not agree more, he thought as he wrapped his arms around her holding her tightly. He bit his bottom lip as he breathed in hard smelling the gentle flowery odour of her hair. He began to choke on tears, sobbing heavily.

She squeezed him tighter, pressing her body against him, she whispered, 'I love you so much' another pause and then, 'please talk to me, let me know what is going on in your mind.' Her words drifted off her tongue like a toddler lulled to sleep, as she lifted her head and bore her eyes into his soul. He blinked, they looked like tiny pools of water. She did not really want to know she could not possibly understand how responsible he felt, that it was all his fault, after their daughter ran away she was found dead on the side of a highway in Texas. His face glowered the lines of hatred and pure grimace that formed on his face gave here a tiny inkling of what he was thinking.

'It wasn't your fault.' she said sternly trying to pull his face towards her, though he refused. She sighed and pulled away now upset with herself for even trying, she whispered, 'the quicker you realize that the better off the both of us will be.' She pushed herself off the bed and walked out of the room. Slamming the door behind her, he sighed himself, 'I'm losing again, aren't I?' he thought. He pushed himself out of bed slowly getting up and he took the letter out of the drawer, and reading it again he began to sob. He folded it neatly to the creases that grew dilapidated from being cinched again and again. He set the letter aside and getting out of bed walked to the fireplace where he stared into the flames. After a few moments he nodded slowly whispering, 'I'm sorry darling, for everything.' In an instant he dashed to the bed side table grabbing the letter he threw it into the fire and stood there watching the flames engulf the old ratty paper.

She walked in dripping wet with a towel wrapped around her and gasped noticing the last remnants of the letter, she looked at him quizzically.

'Did you...?' she asked cocking her head to the side, her arms folded across her chest. He nodded looking at her square in the eyes, saying nothing. 'But why?' her mouth hung open.

'It is past time for new beginnings' he said with a sombre look on his face, his eyes travelling back to the last of the paper crackling on the fire.

She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist, ' Let's go out and fly a kite together, it's a beautiful day, she would have enjoyed it' she smiled hopefully kissing his shoulder.

All he could do was nod, smiling sadly, he noticed the tears brimming in his eyes. But realized they were of relief, and how much pressure seemed to be lifted off his shoulders. Clearing his throat he said, 'Yes, I'd like that, my love.'