To Freelance or Not to Freelance

Here's the amazing thing about my desire to launch a freelance writing and teaching career: I don't have any naysayers in my life discouraging me from taking this step - not my friends, not my family, not anyone.

My luck in receiving this support probably lies in the fact that I come from a family of entrepreneurs in the Philippines. Notable successes include my great grandfather who started a real estate and hotel empire. His daughter, my maternal grandmother, also started a hotel which she still lives in to this day. At 87 years young, Lola still signs checks every day and keeps a handle on daily operations. Unlike others who would otherwise tell me to get a real job, she constantly encourages me to strike out on my own by telling me, "You should be a job giver, not a job seeker!"

The list of family entrepreneurs goes on and on. Both of my uncles and my mother run their own business. Their sister is a self-employed psychotherapist. Her son operates a medical billing school.

So what's holding me back? Why can't I just take the plunge and follow my dream? What am I afraid of?

The answer may lie in the way I was brought up. My need for security and stability overpower the burning desire for flexibility, peace, happiness, and life fulfillment.

Maybe I'm just wary of the failures that automatically come with the successes. My grandfather had a string of failed businesses that never made a profit. The same uncle who owns successful restaurants had several failed attempts at a bakery, care, food service business. And then there's my mom. My mom who left her high paying publishing career to start consulting fulltime. Her first venture? Failed. Her second venture? Failed. Her third venture? Struggling.

From an early age, I have memories of Mom struggling to make ends meet, always looking for the next paycheck, the next gig, the next project. If I make the jump to freelancing full time, will I be doomed to this life? My mother is doing well now, and I admire her for her chutzpah. But will I be the same? And how will I deal with the uncertainty of it all?

I combat my uneasiness by preparing. I've read books, done research, taken classes. I'm as ready as I'll ever be. So what's stopping me? What am I afraid of?

Am I afraid to be like my mother? To be courageous, accept rejection, yet still follow my dream? I think maybe I am. I am afraid to be brave. To live my life. To be me.

Maybe it's just time that I need to hold my nose and jump into the water. Maybe I'll sink. Maybe I'll swim. All I know is that it's time to take the plunge.

And with this article, I think I just did.