To Lose a Home

I am one angry lady. I have had to put my television on Disney Channel and avoid any station with news over the last twenty four hours to keep from blowing my top. Yesterday, I hear about AIG spending bail out money on a corporate weekend retreat to the tune of $400,000.00. For that small fee, the stressed out, frustrated AIG bigwigs were able to decompress with pedicures, golf, and massages. Then, the worst thing I've ever heard: today, media reports a new loan to AIG from the government to the tune of several billion dollars. And I am more than pissed off. Here's why.

It started off innocently enough... my boss told me how we should consider purchasing a home instead of renting. He told me how much money we would save, and how it would be an investment that could only increase in value over time. We looked, and lo and behold, even with our credit, in September 2004, we closed on our new two story frame house with a cute little balcony and covered deck to die for! We were so excited as we moved our things into our new home and said good bye to our landlord at last.

Our first two weeks in the home were spent repairing small holes in the walls that had been covered over by furniture and pictures, and arranging our own things to cover other flaws, such as an oddly placed electrical outlet in the center of the living room floor, light switches that controlled nothing, and other weird things we didn't notice in our excitement. The next two weeks were spent having the air conditioner unit looked at after the upstairs unit backed up and leaked through the intake vent in the downstair ceiling, straight into our new computer.

Further, we figured out that we were going to have to put an additional $200.00 per month aside that no one mentioned to us for taxes and insurance that weren't figured into the house payments after the first year. The mortgage company talked us up on our budget. I figured we could afford from $50,000-$80,000, but the mortgage company told me that we were undershooting. The mortgage company assured me that we could afford from $90,000-$120,000. In the housing market, we were not going to be able to find a large enough home for under that, according to the mortgage company employee (sales person?) Our $87,000 home has turned into a money pit.

Then, our son was diagnosed with a chronic illness. He was preliminarily diagnosed with Crohn's Disease, and spent several weeks over a year and a half in a children's hospital over two hours from home. Of course, I had to take off work, and pay the extra expense of my eating at the hospital, doing my laundry at the hospital, and purchasing little goodies to keep his spirits up occasionally from the gift shop. Then, my husband experienced a decrease in income of about fifty percent. Not too soon thereafter, my husband was completely out of work. Then we had a fire, and our homeowner's insurance didn't cover contents. The structure itself wasn't damaged, as my son caught the fire soon enough to save our home and family from absolute destruction. imagine my relief...

Until a month or so later, when I get a letter telling me that my loan would be accelerated if I didn't pay a large sum of money to catch up. Keep in mind I had just spoken to my mortgage company two weeks prior and asked them if we were in danger of this very thing, and was assured that we were not. I was told that they had too many houses to worry about than to try to get mine right now, and that they understood my circumstances and would continue to work with me. The feeling of relief that we had not lost the house in the fire melted into rage and finally, depression.

As it stands now, despite typing my fingers to the bone, and working my butt off at my day job as a paralegal, I still stand only fifteen days away from having my loan accelerated (which will result in foreclosure). When this realization hit me, I had a panic attack for the first time in my life. I had to leave work for a while, go home and cry. What would I tell my kids? Where would we go? Would we be able to rent anything with our credit the way it is now? And what about our van? We are behind on it too. How to I catch up? Is it possible? Should I pack now? I lay on my bed and bawled like a baby. My husband petted me on the back, uncomfortable and awkward, unsure what, if anything, he should say.

So, pardon my rage. I'm sorry that only two days after AIG admitted to using their golden parachute money to go on a $400,000 corporate spa retreat in one weekend, the government is offering them an even larger multi-billion dollar loan. That seems like a pretty foolish move to me...almost as foolish as being convinced that we could afford this mortgage and be able to feed our family. Pardon my anger as I apply for public benefits to help me afford food for my kids, while corporate honchos pack for a weekend of pedicures, manicures, massages, and golf. Excuse my frustration that no one will suspend their presidential campaign to sit down with me and my mortgage company and find a way to save my home, but McCain will suspend his campaign to bail out companies in which he and/or many of his cronies probably invest. I'm just sour grapes I guess. I find myself knowing that I am responsible for my own problems, that I should have planned better, should have foreseen... but I am frustrated that somehow corporations and the greedy rich folk that run them can use government bail outs to de-stress. As if any of them know what it's like to wonder how you will take care of your family... Pardon my disgust at the shape of our nation.