To Share or Not to Share Your Bank Accounts with Your Spouse?

To share your bank accounts with your spouse or not, that is an important question. There are arguments that support the assertion that spouses should share bank accounts along with arguments against sharing bank accounts. In some ways, it is more meaningful to ask the reverse: Should spouses keep separate bank accounts?

In any partnership, including marriage, there are shared expenses. With wedded bliss, things like food, utilities, rent/mortgage become shared. Regardless of who actually pays for them, the benefit is shared by both. At the same time, there are expenses that are clearly not shared. Hobby supplies, many toys, even solo nights out. These expenses do not benefit both spouses equally.

Shared expenses can be easily paid for out of individual accounts or shared accounts. The individual expenses are harder to handle and are strongly dependent upon how much financial consolidation there is between the spouses.

Share Everything

There are marriages where spouses share everything. From doing chores together, joining organizations together, even applying for jobs at the same place. Those couples relationships are based upon sharing. There are marriages that are the opposite. Couples whose social circles only overlap when they are together. This can be a classic marriage where the man works, hangs out with the old boys club, and his wife stays at home, raises the kids, and socializes with other women doing the same thing. That relationship can also be more exotic and modern.

In both of these extreme situations, it makes a lot of sense to share accounts. In the first case, sharing is the basis of the relationship. In the second case, everything is going to be funded from one income. Splitting accounts will not make any difference, just change if both spouses can see all the expenses or not.

Sharing Nothing

Then we come to my marriage and others like it. Both my wife and I work and make very similar incomes. We got married late and had each established our own financial rhythms and preferences. Each of us has own own hobbies and activities, and we share an interest in many things. We have a joint account, but only use it as a minor savings vehicle. Our daily lives and most long term planning occurs through independent accounts. We talk regularly and transfer money between our accounts to keep the expenses balanced. The best part is that we are both happy with how this works out.

Other people have developed similar coping strategies that work for them. A teacher I knew growing up kept her income separate from her husband's. He paid all the bills (he made several times what she did) and her income was her fun money. The incomes were kept separate as were the bills, and it was very clear whose responsibility everything was. It worked great for them.

How To Decide

Choosing which method, or a hybrid, is going to be critical to how happy each spouse is with money matters. There is no wrong answer as long as it works for both of you. Ask several questions to decide what the right answer should be.

Shared
1. Is the relationship based on complete openness? Is financial transparency an important part of this sharing??

2. Do both members want to track the complete financial picture? Even if one takes the lead in managing the money, both partners have to be committed to the same goals and philosophy.

3. Will a joint account be treated the same? Are both partners Spenders? Or both Savers? Do both view and treat money the same?

Separate
4. Are the hobbies individual pursuits that have meaningful financial costs? Having the freedom to make individual decisions for individual activities is helped by having separate accounts.

5. Is each person capable and willing to track and manage their own financial situation? This does not mean no communication, just that each partner has to be able to manage their own money responsibly to meet both their own goals and the shared goals.

6. Do you have different attitudes about spending and saving or significantly different ideas about how to reach the same financial goals?

7. Is there any interest in allowing expenses to be 'hidden' from each other (gifts, charity, etc) as long as the magnitude of the hidden expenses is within mutually agreed upon limits? Being able to spend money - within limits - without accountability to anybody but yourself requires a significant level of trust that will not be affected by ignorance.

Conclusion

You may discover that as a couple you have answered questions in both sections in the affirmative enough that you want to do both. Using a joint account for some expenses and separate accounts for others is a legitimate decision to make. Regardless of what route you choose, it is very important to communicate with each other about finances. For joint accounts, it is more important to communicate and coordinate on larger purchases. On separate accounts, the importance is in making sure that both partners are remaining responsible and no surprises are lurking.

However you choose, sitting down with your spouse and choosing how you want to treat your finances is one of the best ways to get started on the right track for a financially successful marriage that will reinforce your relationship with each other.