"to Thine Own Self Be True"

Studies have shown that on the subject of relocating there are two different types of people. There are those who, as one study worded it, "absorb" each new environment, almost immediately becoming a part of it and it a part of them, as if it had been their natural way all along; the study added that even when a new environment is totally out-of-sync with everything that was previously familiar, this type of person absorbs it to the extent that he or she actually feels that it is "normal." The other type of person is one who can relocate into a new environment, be there for a year or twenty years, and still not lose sight of the basic foundations of who he or she is, and holds to the "To Thine Own Self Be True" philosophy.

Regardless of how many times one particular commercial has been on television, each time it provokes the thought "They're kidding, aren't they? It's a joke, right?" One is at a disadvantage if one tries to see it in a "light" or humorous manner, because it is actually dead-serious. This commercial is a dual-ad, advertising both a popular local restaurant and a local counseling center. In the commercial, you see a middle-aged couple preparing to order dinner in their favorite restaurant. The woman scans the menu, checking to see what new items she would like to try; the guy wishes to order the same meal that he has each time he is there. The "waitress" leans over and says to the woman: "He's not willing to change-- how does that make you feel?" The commercial concludes with telling the viewers is they have such a problem-person in their lives, where they should go for counseling-- because, by george, everyone should be "willing to change," and even something as simple and basic as a preference for a favorite, familiar meal is indicatory of an underlying personality defect.

First point: some people simply have too much free time on their hands, and put a lot of it into dreaming up ways to aggravate others. Second point: people who are discontented with themselves but cannot look at that fact, instead seek out innumerable things in other people that they insist need "changing."

There is one long-popular quote on this subject; in checking for its source, I found it had been changed from its original reading. What originally read "A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow," became in its current wording, "invites you to grow." While the former can be taken to mean that a true friend wishes you to reach your highest potential and 'be all that you can be," the latter is too frequently taken to mean that your friend has some kind of stake or role in it. "How does that make you feel?" The focus shifts off what you believe is best for yourself, and places that decision in someone else's hands. While most people would see it as little more than a popular saying on posters and other knick-knacks, there are others, unfortunately, whose primary focus is on "changing" and "growing," but is always a matter of pointing out the need for others to do these things. One whose focus is on what you need to "change" wishes for, in pop jargon, "power and control" in your life. When one belligerently states "you're not willing to change and grow!" that is an individual who wishes to manipulate you into suiting him.

A normal, healthy person does not wish-- or demand-- for other people to change their personalities, their habits, their lifestyles; a normal, healthy person does not cope with his own inadequacies by attempting to make other people "be like him;" and a normal, healthy person does not cover up his own discontent with himself by asserting that other people's differences are defects or flaws. Each person is born into this world as a unique individual; to remain a unique individual is a good thing. Each person carries with him or her a lifetime's worth of experiences and background; to hold to one's own standards is also a good thing. To change the basic foundations and framework of who you are in order to adapt to a new environment, is most definitely not a good thing.

Frankly, what a person chooses to order for dinner at his favorite restaurant is not an issue-- nor should it be seen in terms of "He is not willing to change-- how does that make you feel?" It takes those who are discontented with themselves to be insecure enough to "make" other people's decisions and preferences an "issue." The catch being if you allow such individuals to plant seeds of doubt in you with their asserting that you are not o.k. as you are, you could very well end up losing that basic framework of who you are; and that is a sacrifice you should not be willing to make.