Toddler Head Banging: Guiding Your Child Toward Balance

It's a startling thing to see-your formerly happy-go-lucky kid actively bashing his head against the floor, the wall, or even another person. It's especially lovely when it happens in a store or in front of in-laws. What's going on here? It helps to think about what's going on inside you when you vent frustration in a physical way. Your toddler is bewildered by difficult feelings and seeking release. Kids grow and change so quickly that day-to-day life can sometimes feel overwhelming. The good news is that parents can work with their children to find ways to ease them through that release, to see it coming before it even happens, and to deal with challenging feelings.

What's the first thing you can do? Be there. When head banging has become a common occurrence, take the extra steps you need to be aware of triggers and to be close by when your assistance is needed. Cushion your child's head. If physical contact agitates your child even more, move to a safe place (if possible) like a bed or a couch where thrashing around is relatively safe.

If the head-banging is taking place in public or away from home, it can lead to more tension for parents. Focus on safety and doing what is necessary for your child. Don't be afraid to abandon that shopping cart to take your child outside to the car for some one-on-one time until the situation eases. Chances are that you'll only need to do this a handful of times, and putting it into perspective, your child is only a toddler for such a short amount of time. It is well worth setting other things aside to assist him through challenging moments.

Work to eliminate common triggers. Kids who are well-fed, active, and feeling connected will exhibit fewer behavioral problems.

Does your child have regular access to snacks throughout the day? Putting out a platter with a variety of small portions of healthy and interesting foods can go a long way toward easing many behavior issues. Remember, stable blood sugar is your friend!

Are there enough opportunities for active play? Visit a playground, get outside, or just get more active indoors. Start games of hide and seek or chase. Blow bubbles for your child to run around and catch. Turn on some music and dance!

Is there too much activity in your lives right now? Follow your instincts and slow down if necessary. Make time to relax and connect.

Is your child getting enough of you? Make a point of playing alongside your child, making eye contact, delighting in her pursuits. Is your child getting enough contact with other people? Arrange visits with grandparents and friends if you think that would add variety and foster more of a feeling of well-being.

Once these broad issues have been addressed, focus in on the specifics of your child's situation. Has she just gone through a growth spurt? Learned many new skills overnight? It's normal and natural for kids to go to extremes as they seek balance through transitions. When she's in the middle of a difficult and intensely physical moment, you can be her guide.

Transform one mode of intense physicality for another, if that seems acceptable to your child. His body language will tell you. "Whoa, you've got a lot of energy! Let's jump!" Pick your child up and jump him from one place to another.

If your child seems open to being held, go straight for the hug. Sometimes there's nothing like a moment of connection and acceptance to heal internal imbalances. Again, her body language will be your cue. If you feel resistance, try something else.

If you can't find the perfect solution right away, develop the fortitude within yourself to know that it's okay. Your internal panic will radiate out to your child, so it's well worth the time invested to get your own head on straight. Offer encouraging messages and be a physical cushion until a new idea or response occurs to you: "You're having a hard time right now. It's okay, we can work it out. I'm here for you."

Over time, your child will be able to communicate more directly with you. Until then, remember how useful you can be as a supportive guide. And one day, you'll notice that head-banging is a thing of the past!