"Toddlers and Tiaras" Returns; Tantrums, Ni-Ni and Tears Reign Supreme

TLC's parade of pampered tots resumed December 29th with the season premiere of 'Toddlers and Tiaras'. The episode chronicled the preparations and Miss Arizona Gold Coast Beauty Pageant performances of a handful of hopefuls, including one-year old twins Scarlett and Isabella, 8-year old Danielle and 4-year old Makenzie. How nutso did it all get? Read on.

The 'Toddlers and Tiaras' cameras first visited mom Kelli and twin baby daughters Scarlett and Isabella of Lake Havasu, Arizona. Kelli, who claimed to have spent over $250,000 on pageants and enjoys an extravagant lifestyle, said that she thought it would be "really really cool to put the twins in pageants".

Meanwhile, 8-year old Danielle, who is undoubtedly a pretty little girl with dark hair, went about her own preparations for the big day alongside her mom Tedi and her grandma. She seemed overconfident, in the very least, but was completely sufferable until her declaration: "If I don't win this pageant I will trash the hotel room". Too charming!

While we're on the subject of finicky pageant queens, it's appropriate to move on to contestant number 4, Makenzie, age 4. The little lady's mom, Juana, called her an "unforgettable pageant queen" and "a force on and off stage" as clips of her previous antics and tantrums aired.

And we were treated to yet another tantrum as Makenzie was taken for Glitz photos, which her mom explained were required in order to win the pageant. She was definitely "animated", as Juana called her. But she managed to produce what was likely an extremely enhanced shot that showcased her big eyes.

Up next, Danielle practiced her routines and pageant walk in what her mom called her "pageant mode". She's clearly a perfectionist of sorts and got frustrated when it all didn't go perfectly. Later, she seemed more relaxed as she went for her mani, pedi and spray tan. Her mom claimed that Danielle's ultimate goal was to "be famous" and that if she had the resources, she'd spend whatever it took to get it done.

Back at Makenzie's house, Juana packed her things to leave for the pageant, but the tot resisted going with plentiful whining and complaining. Mom admitted to being nervous over how she'd do, but forged ahead anyhow.

As Kelli and clan prepared to leave on her private jet, she again focused on the importance of having cash when it comes to the pageant life. She asserted that she was "counting on them winning; that's why we spend the money".

When 'Toddlers and Tiaras' returned from a break, it was pageant prep time on-site. Director Kim explained that in order to win, a girl would need to have the highest marks in beauty and 50s wear. She called Mackenzie "a heavy hitter" and noted her personality as a plus. Up next, Kelli struggled to get Isabella and Scarlett dressed, much to the consternation of the babies, who clearly did not like their fluffy neon get-ups. Poor babies. Moments later, Mackenzie, decked out in a pretty pink ballet costume, tantrumed over her missing 'Ni-Ni', otherwise known as a pacifier. After finally securing her bounty, she clasped it between her teeth and screeched a warning at her mom: "don't ever do that again!" Later, she claimed "I like my Ni-Ni, but I really like pageants more". Uhm. Okay.

And then it was all about the moment we'd waited for: The pageant itself. Non-walking twins Scarlett, decked out in pink and orange, and Isabella, in green and blue, were up first. Mom was unimpressed with Scarlett's performance, asserting that she was off her usual game, but was very pleased with Isabella's offering, praising her for looking directly at the judges and her sweet smile.

A Ni-Ni-less Makenzie took to the stage shortly thereafter as part of the 4-5 year old category. Short-lived. In the 6 to 9 year old category, Danielle was up. The hot pink and white-clad brunette, who proclaimed herself "beautiful" in her make-up, put on quite the pre-stage performance, swatting at a little boy and then shoving a fist in her mom's face. Jealousy also reared its head as another little girl took "her spotlight" and she angrily said that she hoped the other girl would be cut out of the TV broadcast.

After a break, the Arizona Gold Coast pageant returned with the 50s wear portion of the program. Scarlett took the stage by storm in her pink Cadillac, while Isabella rolled onto the scene in a red car as a candy cane "sweetheart diner girl". Kelli was particularly pleased with Bella's performance.

Drama ensued as the announcer called for Mackenzie, but she failed to appear. The competition moved on to Danielle's age group, and the confident brunette took her spin on stage. Luckily for Mackenzie, they reverted to her group and allowed her to perform once she showed up. Lucky, lucky, lucky.

With the pagentry finished, it was crowning time on the season premiere of 'Toddlers and Tiaras' and nerves reigned among the moms. In the baby division, Isabella was named first runner up behind sister Scarlett, who took the Queen title and the high point winner distinction. In the 4-5 year old division, Mackenzie took the disappointing second runner up award. In her division, Danielle took several titles, including Sweetheart Queen and Junior Miss Arizona, as well as the high point winner distinction.

So can one of the episode's four featured girls win the big title of overall Grand Supreme? Yes indeed: Baby Scarlett, in her frou frou pink costume, took the big title. Danielle's mom was irritated to see a non-walking baby win the thousand bucks, as was Danielle herself, who left the stage in tears. Kelli defended her daughter's win, again citing jealousy as the primary reason for others scoffing over a baby's victory.

Meanwhile, as Mackenzie tantrumed once again, her mom asserted that one day, she'd be famous.

So that's it for the 'Toddlers and Tiaras' premiere. I've withheld my true thoughts throughout, but I feel them trying to bust out right now: Really, people? Really? Ugh. It's vaguely entertaining to see children misbehave, but not so much when you realize that it's real, that these girls actually live these lives. Is it healthy? Could it be? I'm no pro, but I suspect it's not. So what kind of glitzed, make-up caked, tantrum-laden craziness is in store for next week? Find out for yourself on TLC.