Tom's Scientology a Cover Up?
He's short.
We all know people who are short and we all know how sensitive people are about it. Short people always get picked on by bullies just because of their size. Short people always get picked last in sports. Short people can't ride on the rides at Disneyland. Short people are the last ones to know when it rains. Plus the remake of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory has made the Oompa Loompa jokes re-emerge. Yes, being short is rough and they all desire to be taller. I think a famous poet, Skee-Lo, said it best when he said "I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her, I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala." Don't all short people feel that way? Well except for maybe the rabbit in a hat with a bat part.
Tom Cruise obviously is very self conscious about his height. Have you ever noticed how much his height changes? Search for "Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes" in Google and then look at images of them. You'll find that Tom Cruise's height compared to Katie Holmes' is very erratic. Sometimes Tom Cruise is a good six inches shorter than Katie, sometimes they are the same height and sometimes Tom Cruise is a little taller. Its clear Tom is doing something to change his height. Sometimes he must wear shoes with lifts. Other times he probably tells Katie to slouch all the time. After all if he forced Katie to marry him I think he can force her to slouch. Sometimes, when we can't see the full picture of them, I bet Tom is standing on top of something to make him taller.
But really can you blame him? People used to make fun of how short Tom Cruise is but now all they talk about is how he's a crazy scientologist who flipped out on the Oprah Winfrey show. Nobody talks about how short he is. I think Tom Cruise is clearly purposely acting like he's crazy so we'll forget he's short. After all, Tom Cruise is and always will be an action film star. It's much more believable to be a crazy action star than a short action star. Nobody wants to see short people win action movies. Why do you think Star Wars fans are so upset about the Ewoks beating the Empire? Because the Ewoks are short! I'm sure there would be just as big an outcry if the Smurfs or Oompa Loompas won a battle because short people can't win fights! But crazy people are fine. Mel Gibson's character in the Lethal Weapon movies was a little bit crazy and nobody cared. Heck, Batman is a little nutso in the head but nobody cares. Crazy is acceptable for action stars but shortness is not. So Tom Cruise decided to act crazy so we'd forget he is short. I have to applaud you Tom Cruise. Well played my friend, well played.
Published by Lee Andrew Henderson - Featured Contributor in Sports
I was born, I wrote, I died. View profile
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- Who cares if Tom Cruise is crazy, he's short!
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- The Ewoks are dumb!
34 Comments
Post a CommentHa! I found this one through Amy Brantley. Great stuff Lee.
This article should come with a Spew alert!
Yeah, I'm sure Napoleon vented much anger when he laid waste to thousands of obsequious and weak-minded tall people.
COme, On, Tom can not be that sensitive about his height, or he wouldnt marry such tall women. All three of his wives are tall, Katie is 5'9 and Nicole is what 5'11?
If he was really that sensitive about it, he would marry one of those petit little actressed that are like 5'2" so that he could lord over them. Nope, instead he likes his women tall, despite the fact that only show how short he is, and I think that speaks volumes about how much he doesnt care about his height.
This cult has stolen so many lives. Scientology is truly an evil blackmale cult.
I'm not sure what drives Tom Cruise, not sure it's his height though. However he is over rated as an actor. I like Risky Business and nothing else he did until Locked In The Closet, The South Park episode, LOL!. Good writing.
great one!
Adam - Yes, it's drivel! But the last really good movie from Cruise was Risky Business ... so it's GOOD DRIVEL!
Hey!!! Its one thing to pick on Mr. Cruise for being in scientology, But its a Low blow to pick on him because he is short. Very SMALL minded of you if you ask me. There are still many acting rolls out there he can handle, even if he's gone nuts on us. He can be the mayor in the OZ remake, and I for one can't wait to see MI 4 (Papa Smuff kicks butt) I hope he hunts you down and bites you in the ankle. :)
ROFL Keep up the great work. I can't stand Tom Cruise.