Tony Parker: Thy Neighbor's Wife

Almost exactly a year after Tiger Woods' drives began missing driveways and fairways, comes news that the NBA's Cutest Couple Emeritus is breaking up.

Actress Eva Longoria has filed for divorce from San Antonio Spurs point guard Tony Parker, citing "irreconcilable differences."

Apparently, those differences revolve around the exact meaning of the phrase "forsaking all others." Longoria allegedly confronted Parker with evidence of his malfeasance: multiple texts to the other woman. (Apparently Parker, like Woods, was blessed with riches and good looks but not common sense, because a couple hundred bucks buys a burn phone complete with plausible deniability built right in...But I digress...)

For those believing that news like this belongs in the gossip column and not the sports column, think again. After all, Tiger Woods hasn't been nearly the same golfer that he was when his multiple and serial infidelities came to light; does anyone really believe that Tony Parker won't be affected on the court by his off-court situation?

More to the point, I have every reason to believe that this will affect Parker's game because the woman that he is alleged to have cheated with is the wife of a former teammate.

Parker's personal battles just became a two-front war. First of all, he must deal with the detritus that comes with a divorce. As many of us know from personal experience (and I count myself in that number), there is no such thing as a painless divorce. Just having to deal with attorneys on a regular basis would seem to be punishment enough for the dissolution of a marriage, but then there's all the stuff the couple acquired during the relationship. It might be easy to say "Oh, they're rich, they can just buy new stuff," except that the stuff one gets in a marriage becomes significant. In this case, for example, there are at least seven years of pictures; what will he do with those?

There's a significant financial angle to be explored as well, because both parties came into this relationship filthy stinkin' rich. Pre-nuptial agreements will be pored over with a microscope, but that's actually the easy part. Figuring out how to divide any of the assets acquired during the marriage might require the wisdom of Solomon; how will they deal with something jointly purchased that both parties want in the separation?

Oh, and did I forget to mention that People, Us, and TMZ.com have all just shifted their primary target packages onto him? Word around the campfire is that Mr. Dimples His Own Self, Mario Lopez, has insider information that will only make a seedy situation seedier.

That, friends, is Tony Parker's personal life before he comes to the court.

There is still his job to deal with, the one where he had untoward relations with a former teammate's wife.

When, exactly, did this relationship begin?

When, exactly, did it become something outside the bounds of marriage?

What teammate of Parker's can ever trust him now, knowing that he's already gone after the wife of a guy he once shared a locker room with?

One thing is certain: no matter who asks us to respect their privacy while they work things out, this is only the beginning.

Further unseemly revelations are on deck. Judgments will follow.

Sources:

Yahoo! Sports

Huffington Post.com